Tuesday, December 15, 2009

"The List" - The Annual Jordan Marisa Rose Hannukah Email

So! Judging by the frequency of which you read this blog, as well as how well you know me in real life, you most likely know by now that I take gifts very seriously.

Since we are right smack in the middle of Hanukkah, I thought I’d post a little something that brings the Silverman family to tears everytime it’s brought up. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the Annual Jordan Marisa Rose Silverman Hanukkah List.

Each year, I cobble together all the little trinkets and goodies that I’ve had my eye on, and send it over to the parentals in a loving yet firm email. In order to make it as user friendly as possible for my parents (mostly my father, whose cell phone is approximately the size of an 8½ by 11 piece of paper), I include direct links to the items online, and appropriate sizes, colors, etc. This works out well for everyone – left without guidance, I end up opening trial-sized nail polish for Hanukah (from my mother) and a jaunty zippered beret from my father (true story). By utilizing the list, they ensure I’m happy, and I ensure they’re happy, because I’m happy.

For your viewing pleasure, I’ve posted it below. In my opinion, the 2008 version is funnier than the 2009 list, but my parents assured me that they laughed equally hard when they received the 2009 email. So, here we go!

The 2008 List:

My dear parents,

For weeks now, I have been promising this email, and for weeks, I presume you have lain awake at night, wondering what this list could possibly bring you. And here it is -- filled with treasures and playthings, sure to bring a smile to my face and empty your wallets.

"But we're in a recession!" you cry. True, true. But be that as it may, Hannukah is rapidly approaching. Still, as my nod to these troubled economic times, you will notice that I have only suggested six items rather than the usual eight. As my concession to the recession - it rhymes! - I will gladly take one for the team and unwrap only six gifts during the Festival of Lights. Consider the two missing nights o'presents a sign of me growing up.

Without further ado, I give you the Jordan Marisa Rose Silverman 2008 Hannukah List:

J.Crew Babette jeweled peep toe flats – yellow, size 9, $315
For Like Ever poster, pink/red, $60
2009 Office calendar, $15
Vogue Living coffee table book, $50
Square ikat print scarf, magenta/gold, $98
Gift certificates to any of the following retail establishments: Nordstrom, Bloomingdales, Neiman Marcus, Barneys, Saks, J.Crew, Urban Outfitters, Barnes & Noble

If you have any questions, comments, or suggestions, I am available at (818) XXX-XXXX. If your questions, comments, or suggestions fall between the hours of 12am midnight - 8am, I invite you to call my assistant Bailey Olive at (818) XXX-XXXX. I'm sure she will not mind being woken up in the least.

It is a pleasure, as always, doing business with you.

With love and latkes,
Jordan Marisa Rose Silverman


The 2009 List:

My glorious parental units,

My, how fast a year flies! Doesn’t it seem like just yesterday that you received the Jordan Marisa Rose Silverman 2008 Hannukah List?

You are mere moments away from reading the Jordan Marisa Rose Silverman 2009 Hannukah List. Take a minute to calm yourself down. Those sweaty palms, that rapid heartbeat, it will all soon be over, and the list will be in your hand. Feel your full wallet, and treasure the sensation. It will be much, much lighter, in just a few seconds.

Without further ado, here we go. I hope your seatbelts are fastened!

MacBook Air – available at www.apple.com
Kate Spade Queen of Hearts Ring – available at Nordstroms
Kate Spade El Morocco Lauralee bag – available at Kate Spade or Bloomingdales
Anthropologie gift card – I can’t find the link to the blouse I want, but rest assured, it’s gorgeous.
Another pair of Toms shoes – black glitter, size 9, available at Neiman Marcus

Using a favorite term from last year’s list, as a “concession to the recession”, I kept the list short and sweet. Now, in case you’ve forgotten this next part, I’ll go over it again. If you have any questions, comments, or suggestions, I am available at (818) XXX-XXXX. If your questions, comments, or suggestions fall between the hours of 12am midnight - 8am, I invite you to call my assistant, Bailey Janna, at (818) XXX-XXXX.

It is a pleasure, as always, doing business with you.

With love and latkes,
Jordan Marisa Rose Silverman

Happy Hanukkah everyone!

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