The rumors are true. I HAVE SPARKLE HAIR EXTENSIONS.
OH YES. BEHOLD:
ignore jeffrey. look closely. can you see them!?
It started last month. I met my friend Alexandra for sushi and in the middle of popping a spicy tuna roll in my mouth, something caught my eye. “You have some shit in your hair,” I said sweetly. She immediately corrected me.
“They’re called Shimmerlys,” she said. “They’re glittery hair extensions that get tied to a single hair on your head so when you move, they sparkle through your hair!”
I was fascinated. Hair sparkles? Could this be true? Alex has dark blond hair and shiny gold Shimmerlys, but could I pull such a thing off? Cue to last week at Drybar. As my stylist introduced herself, I noticed HER hair sparkling too. But hers were RED -- almost the EXACT color of my own hair!
I immediately inquired within and to my delight, I found out that she did them herself, they were ridiculously easy to put it, AND she made house-calls. What was there to do but get them faster than you can say SPARKLESANDGLITTERPRINCESSOMG?
We arranged a time to meet. If you were driving by Gorham last Thursday around 5pm, that was me you saw sitting on the sidewalk with a huge smile on her face, getting pieces of glitter tied into her hair :)
Ladies, you have to get them. But don’t expect your men to understand. Right after I got them, I went to pick Jacob up. I didn’t say anything at first - I wanted to see if he would notice or not. After about 20 minutes, I couldn’t stand it anymore.
“DO YOU NOTICE THE SPARKLES IN MY HAIR?”
“YOU DO!? Well, what do you think?”
“I think you look like a moron. What the fuck is in your hair?”
Pshhh. Men. They don’t get it. I can’t even tell you what joy they bring me. Everywhere I go, I toss my head in the sunlight and shake my hair in people’s faces :)
So to recap: I have sparkle hair extensions. And I just bought rhinestone sunglasses. And I have electric purple glitter nail polish on my toes. Basically what I’m trying to tell you is I am the Jewish Lady Gaga.