Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Guac It Out

My sister and I have different strengths. For example, I am your girl if you need your apartment decorated in various shades of pink or if you need to be taught how to use Twitter. Some of Bailey’s strengths include painting her nails perfectly and waking up with gorgeous hair. She is also good at watching TV and critiquing people’s outfits. (Okay, we both share that strength.)

Another thing I am good at? Making guacamole. SO GOOD, in fact, that I am the winner of The Silverman Sister Guac-Off!!!

Yes, that really happened. Last summer, my mom arrived home from the market with a bag full of avocados. “I’ll make guacamole!” Bailey said. I looked at her like she was insane. “In this family, the only person who makes the guacamole is ME,” I told her. “Mine is the best.” “No, MINE is the best,” she said. We started to squabble. Just as she lunged across the kitchen counter with a spoon in her hand and fire in her eyes, my father stepped in.

“Stop being idiots,” he said. “Mommy bought enough for an army. Why don’t you both make your version, and I’ll choose the winner?”

AMAZING IDEA FATHER. “Jord, you are going DOWN,” Bailey said. I ignored her and ran to the pantry for supplies. We worked furiously on either sides of the island for several minutes before presenting our parents (by now my mother had discovered the Guac-Off and wanted in on the decision) with our separate bowls and a (slightly stale) bag of tortilla chips for maximum tasting pleasure.

They sat there and tasted. And tasted again. And opened their mouths like they were going to deliver the decision, and then went back for another sample. After a great deal of whispering and some scribbled notes on one of Daddy’s legal pads, they finally looked up and declared the winner.

IT WAS ME! I danced around the room, cheering. Bailey threw a pillow at the dog and stomped off to her room.

I was not surprised. My guacamole is fantastic. In fact, it is one of the only things I know how to make. Anytime I am invited to a dinner party or BBQ, I immediately offer to bring the guacamole. How did mine get so good? Well, in case you did not know, I am severely allergic to cilantro (I will probably die if I eat it), so I can’t eat most guacamoles, as they are typically prepared with salsa, which almost always has cilantro in it. So over the years, I had to make my own if I wanted some -- and thus, my signature dish was born.

And now I am generously sharing it with all of you :) here’s my recipe!

Silverman Sister Guac-Off Award Winning Guacamole:

5 avocados

1 shallot (if that’s your thing. My father hates them so I usually leave it out but I love it! Just make sure it's not an onion.)

1 big tomato OR approximately 20 cherry tomatoes sliced in small pieces

Juice of 1 and 1/2 limes

Garlic powder

Fresh cracked pepper

Seasoning salt (NOT regular salt! This is the special ingredient!)

Combine first four ingredients, then use the last three to your specifications. Don’t go overboard with the garlic powder though - you can always add more! Other helpful tips: when you make it, leave TWO avocado pits in the bowl, not just one. This will help it stay fresher longer and delay it turning brown. Do not stir everything together into mush - the best guac is chunky not smooth. And finally, serve it in a pretty bowl. Everything looks better in a fancy setting.


Bailey is probably reading this and thinking a few things: 1. I was robbed! and 2. Ew, that picture is not cute. I disagree on both accounts and to her I say, 1. Tabasco and spicy peppers do not belong in guacamole, and 2. You look fantastic. I’m the one making the squidgy face.

Before I go, I want to make a special shout-out to Bailey’s boss, Miss Jane of Helmut Lang fame. Happy Birthday Jane! Even though we do not officially know each other, I am almost positive we will be best friends when we meet. And to her husband, Matt, who is one of the three non-gay males who reads this blog, I enjoy you greatly as well. Let’s have a meal when I come to NY.

That’s all for today :) Hope you liked the recipe -- if you make it please let me know how you liked it!



Your second favorite rabbi is fasting today which makes this recipe even more mouth watering...damn destruction of the Temple!

Kush said...

Jord, thanks for the shout-out, loved the guac off story and would love to get dinner when you are in NYC

Katie said...

i too am a cilantro-phobe...it's the worst!