Wednesday, March 31, 2010

My Money's On Pink

Surprise! I’m in Vegas :)


I’m here with one of my besties -- Julie Ann is a teacher in a private Jewish school, and this week is her spring break! Since she is almost as obsessed with Vegas as I am, and since the Palazzo so kindly sent me three free nights in a lovely suite, we decided to spend a few days in Vegas eating, shopping, drinking, and GAMBLING -- we LOVE our penny slots!


But just because I’m in Vegas, does not mean I forgot what day it is - Wednesday! Time for another edition of everyone's favorite weekly post, On Wednesdays We Wear Pink!


So. Secretly (or not so secretly), I wish I was Blair Waldorf (from Gossip Girl - if you do not watch, I'm not your friend for five minutes). Besides having Chuck as her boyfriend (OMFG HOTTEST HUMAN EVER) and ruling New York society with an iron first (that’s my girl), she also has impeccable fashion and a true love for headbands, bows, feathers, and all hair accessories in general.


I share this love for hair-dazzlers. Last year during the High Holidays, I wore an enormous feather brooch in my hair on Rosh Hashanah. It was a huge hit - I felt sassy and adorable and my mother didn’t even scream (just looked at me, sighed, and shook her head.)


In honor of Vegas and its crazy, outrageous style, I thought I’d punch up my outfit a bit -- and what would be better than a fabulous PINK FEATHERED HAIR PIN!?



Fabulous, right? I know, I’m obsessed. And it's under $5!


I will most likely be rocking it with skinny jeans, a white blazer, and black boots tonight. I can't decide if Julie is going to love it... or be mortified. Any bets? We ARE in Vegas after all :)




Monday, March 29, 2010

This Holiday Can Passover Me

Passover. Ughhhhh.


Sure, I like getting together with the fam for Passover dinner. I even don’t mind the actual Seder part (of course, I count down pages until we reach page 19 -- the page that says “Dinner is served.”) But the whole “no eating carbs” thing, coupled by the fact that I am still scarred by NEVER EVER finding the afikomen, plus I HATE the taste of matzah, and gefilte fish makes me want to KILL MYSELF.... it’s just not my favorite Jewish holiday. I really should have added it to this list.



Tonight’s Seder was relatively uneventful. We had it at my cousin’s house in New York. I was at the kid’s table - surprise, surprise (at this rate, I won’t be sitting with the grownups til I am 40, minimum.)


Oh, did I say uneventful? Well, there was this:


video


No big deal, just an impromptu dance-off starring my six year old cousin Jamie. Thought you might enjoy that. I don’t know where she got her moves from, but it certainly wasn’t from me. Probably Bailey.


Anyways, happy Passover to all of you! Enjoy your matzah pizzas, matzah brie, matzah with cream cheese, and macaroons. I’ll be in the corner whining about how much I want to eat a sandwich.



Sunday, March 28, 2010

One Hand in the Air for the Big City

Hello from the east coast. Let’s hear it for New York!


Jay-Z and Alicia had it right. These streets do make you feel brand new and the lights do inspire you. (Yes, I’m listening to Empire State of Mind while I type this. No, I don’t necessarily think that makes me a loser.) What have I been up to here in this concrete jungle where dreams are made of?


Friday: Wake up at FIVE O CLOCK IN THE MORNING to hop on a flight to JFK. Throw tantrum due to Jet Blue folks deciding to let us know we’ll be making an impromptu “pit stop” in Denver to refuel. Tantrum is futile. Arrive in New York. Reunite with Bay in the lobby of the W. Obligatory Starbucks run with the fam to make Daddy happy. Dinner at Fig & Olive where we take the photo below. Sister sleepover/cuddles with Bay in her fabulous apartment.


Saturday: Obligatory Starbucks run with Muzz and Bay, as Daddy has gone to Long Island for the day. WALK 50 BLOCKS to SoHo. F around in Old Navy and H&M (cuz we don’t have 8 million of those in LA), then shop at Topshop (YES!) Brave the crowds on Canal in hopes of purchasing a fake Goyard bag. Too crowded; leave pouting. Get dragged into the subway by Bailey and Mommy. SPEND AN HOUR IN THE BOWELS OF THE SUBWAY BECAUSE THE 6 NEVER COMES. Scream in frustration and hunger; publicly vow never to take public transportation again and insist on taking a cab to Bloomingdales. Eat. Become happy again. Start to shop. Realize that going to Bloomingdales on 59th & Lex on the last day of the Friends & Family sale is the worst idea in the universe. Naptime. Dinner at the Mercer Kitchen. Pre-bar at Bailey’s friends apartment with many East Coast Jews. Flirt with gorgeous 19 year old boy and fall in love. Trek off to a bar, drink, dance, and meet up with my favorite 5-plus!



Sunday: Obligatory Starbucks run with the fam. Brunch at Blue Water Grill with Dad’s side of the fam (photo #1). Cab to Broadway to see Memphis with Mom’s side of the fam (photo #2). MEMPHIS IS AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING, GO SEE IT. Continue on to dinner at Osteria la Doge with the fam. Decide cousin Sam (13 years old) is going to stay in the city with us overnight. Get threatened with death if we lose her or take her to bars. Go to 7-11, purchase fro-yo and cake mix. Bake cake while watching Throwdown with Bobby Flay. Girl’s night. Blog :)



Soooo all in all, pretty fab weekend so far. Tomorrow Bailey will take me and Sam to the Helmut Lang company store (BIG DISCOUNT OMG) and we will f around in the city some more (ie, shop and eat) before taking the train to Long Island for Passover festivities.


Hope you all had a lovely weekend wherever you were! May I just briefly say, if you live in New York or anywhere else on the East Coast, YOU ARE FUCKING INSANE. Despite socks, gloves, scarves, and a winter coat, I am freezing my ass off here. I bought a lame beanie with a pom-pom for $9 and am rocking it around this city like it is my job. Gotta keep the ears warm or I will punch a cab driver.


Before I go: remember the Facebook Fairy Tale? Well, what is wrong with yall? When I announce a giveaway, I expect you all to pee in your pants from excitement. Instead, I go out of town and it’s like you forgot all about me.


GO ENTER THE GIVEAWAY. #1 because I bought you all some good stuff, and #2 because that good stuff is FREE TO ONE LUCKY WINNER. What are you waiting for? And, since I forgot to say it in the last post, the deadline to enter is FRIDAY, April 2nd at noon - I’ll pick a winner Friday night.


And now I shall leave you with the immortal words of our rap pals:


One hand in the air for the big city,
Street lights, big dreams all looking pretty,
No place in the World that can compare,
Put your lighters in the air, everybody say yeaaahh...


Lots of love from this frostbitten California girl :)




Thursday, March 25, 2010

A Facebook Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful girl. Aside from being beautiful, she was also hilarious, brilliant, entertaining, eloquent, and adorable. Oh, and modest.


This beautiful girl had a blog, and one day, she decided to create a Facebook fan page to spread her good cheer and general insanity throughout the land. So the girl made the fan page, and God (and Jacob) said it was good.


Then the girl frolicked off to run errands and hit up the Bloomingdales Friends & Family sale (not once but twice) and dye her hair red and in a flash, two days passed. When the girl finally returned to her home, she logged into Facebook and lo and behold, what did she find?


THAT IN A MATTER OF TWO DAYS, SHE HAD 214 FOLLOWERS ON HER FACEBOOK FAN PAGE!!!


And the girl was happy and rejoiced. And then she found a handsome and equally hilarious husband and they got married and they all lived happily ever after.*


*Um, this last part still needs to happen. And for all you slow ones out there, the girl is me. The whole “beautiful gorgeous fantastic amazing brilliant” thing should have tipped you off.


ANYWAYS... this afternoon I promised that if I reached 200 followers by the end of day today, I would host another fabulous giveaway. I’m a girl of my word -- here we go!


Seeing as tomorrow, I am jaunting off to New York, this giveaway will be New York themed. Since I like giving surprises (but HATE being surprised - seriously do not ever throw me a surprise party or I will ban you from this blog for life), I am giving away a SPECIAL SURPRISE NEW YORK GIFT PACKAGE!!!


Here is your only hint: one of the THREE things in the package is edible and known to be a SPECIAL NEW YORK TREAT. Hmmm... whatever could it be? :)


HERE IS WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO ENTER:

  1. Become a fan of the Queen of LA Facebook fan page (if you haven’t done so already).
  2. Leave me a comment here guessing what could be in the package! Also if you want to leave a second comment giving me a compliment, I wouldn’t totally hate that.
  3. Make sure you leave your email so I know how to reach you if you win.
  4. TELL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT THIS BLOG!!!

I love you all like I love cake and Las Vegas and cuddles. That last one is a lie, I hate being touched.


NEXT TIME - COMING AT YOU FROM THE EAST COAST!


*UPDATE: I TOTALLY FORGOT TO MENTION HOW THE WINNER WILL BE PICKED.... get ready for amazingness....


My father, the one and only Garsilv, will be choosing the winner randomly. The best part? I am going to videotape the choosing and post it on the blog... ALONG WITH A SPECIAL RENDITION OF HIM SINGING HIS FAMOUS VERSION OF "RING OF FIRE" BY JOHNNY CASH.


If that doesn't get you running back to this blog, nothing will.




Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Google and My Life = Both Random

Once again I must inform you all that I am addicted to the internet.


Take this for example. Below you will find a list of all the terms I googled today:

  1. how much is a goyard bag
  2. goyard bag san francisco
  3. where can you buy fake goyard bags
  4. new york weather
  5. matzah recipe that isnt gross
  6. las vegas weather
  7. sparkle beanie hats
  8. leopard tights
  9. shiloh jolie pitt
  10. shiloh jolie pitt haircut
  11. shiloh jolie pitt lesbian

Basically what this all means is that I have ADD. Let me explain my train of thought here.


I had to take my birthday Fendi in to be repaired, which made me sad because that ended up with me carrying all my belongings home in a shopping bag like a homeless. That led to me wanting a new bag (which is NOT HAPPENING) so I tried to look up Goyard bags online. Apparently there is only one store in the USA which sells them. I called them. The bags are approximately eight million dollars each. Soooooo of course that led to me wanting to buy a fake one. That is going to maybe happen when I go to New York in two days (more on that in a sec), which reminded me of Passover, a holiday I hate because carbs are the enemy and I abhor the taste of matzah. After New York I am going to Vegas for three days with Julie (AHHH). All this traveling made me think of my next trip in a few weeks - to Poland, where it is currently SNOWING. FML. So naturally I googled things that keep you warm, such as sparkle beanie hats and leopard tights. Not things like long underwear and ugly snowboots.



Then I googled Shiloh because I am OBSESSED WITH HER. Did you all know that? For the sake of moving things along I’m gonna save my Shiloh fairy tale story for another day, but until then, it would be helpful if you could send me photos of her to add to my collection. Let’s just leave it at that.


SO: NEW YORK! OMG OMG OMG. I cannot wait! I have not seen my sister, Bailey J. Olive Foumart, in THREE MONTHS. In sister years, three months is an eternity. I am soooo excited that I will not even mention how she abandoned me and moved across the country and is a fancy girl with a fancy job and I feel lonely on sushi nights without her. Nope, won’t even mention it.

Instead I will show you an AMAZING picture of us. Please, how bad-ass were we at the ages of 3 and 2? This photo is my absolute favorite, and not just because tiny violent Bailey is holding a gun.

We are going to shop and eat (a ton) and go see a Broadway show and take taxis and look at fake designer bags and have a pillow fight (no) and wear scarves cuz its cold and we are not going to fight, not even once!

Looking back, I realize this post is slightly random and ADD. Whatever. As long as I’m being random I would like to point out I now have 167 Facebook fans, which means everyone is my new best friend.

I would also like to mention that lots of people who I didn’t realize read the blog commented on the last post, which actually almost brought tears to my eyes. Yes, that is how much I love comments. So please keep leaving them!

Lots of love, fake Goyard bags, and Shiloh Jolie Pitt for all of you! XOXOXO.



Pretty As a Picture (Frame)

Wednesday already? Time flies when you are having fun. And by having fun I mean painting your toenails gold (I know, WTF was I thinking?) and trying to convince your parents to buy you a Kindle.


ANYWHO: today is Wednesday and you know what that means!


This week’s pink object is something that I actually just bought over the weekend -- this adorable picture frame!


Little known fact: I collect picture frames. (Feel free to send me one in the mail.) I love taking pictures of myself, my family, and my friends and displaying them all over - my desk, my shelves, my office, even on the windowsill over my bathtub :) I plan on displaying one of the many fabulous photos from my reunion this weekend with my sister inside it and can’t wait to put it up!


Happy Wednesday :) hope you’re wearing pink!





Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Party Animals, Listen Up!

First of all, HELLO AND GOOD DAY.

Second of all, I WANT TO KISS YOU ALL ON THE LIPS. Why, you ask? Because in LESS THAN 24 HOURS, the fan page I created yesterday has ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY SEVEN FOLLOWERS. 127. 127.127!

That is amazing and I feel very popular, loved, and special, which are three of my favorite emotions ever. Now that the internet has thrown me a parade, we can actually talk about the real stuff that I was intending on talking about.

Today I found myself at an impromptu cocktail party. The party itself was not impromptu; rather, my attendance at it was. I was at the business establishment where I consult/freelance and they were holding an open house party to celebrate their new offices. I was invited to stay and gladly accepted, due in no small part to my desire to consume kosher appetizers.

I tried to be on my best behavior. Really I did. But inevitably I found myself in the corner with a few friends (shoutout to Jessi and Remy!), eating snackies and drinking DCs, and the subject of appropriate party behavior came up.

As a former sorority member and someone who attends a lot of weddings (fuck my fucking married friends, UGH I DO NOT WANT TO DIE ALONE), God knows I have a lot to say on that topic so without further ado:

LET’S PARTY: A LIST OF PARTY TIPS BY JORDAN SILVERMAN

1. Learn the Photographer’s Name: So in case you were unaware, I was in a sorority in college and I was basically obsessed with it. I lived for our date dash parties -- pre-drinking, drinking on a bus, drinking at the party, followed by drinking at the bar, ALL IN COSTUME. Um yes please. Anyways, I could show you approximately 912 photos of me from EACH date dash I attended if you were interested. Why is this? Because I made it a point to learn our photographer’s name.

If the party you are at has hired a professional photographer, as soon as you arrive you need to go introduce yourself to him and learn his name. This is for several reasons: first of all, you can shriek his name at the top of your lungs when you are surrounded by your friends/a group of attractive people, and he will immediately come and take your photo. Second, if, in said photo, you look like you have been hit by the ugly stick, you can then whine his name repeatedly until he agrees to delete the photo and do a re-do. Third, it’s always nice to make a new friend. Especially one who knows shit about flattering camera angles and soft lighting.

2. Get to Know the Cater-Waiters: This is a no brainer. If the party you are attending has hired caterers, undoubtedly there will be cater-waiters wandering around with trays of food. If you like to eat (if not, leave this blog immediately), it would be wise to get to know these kind folks, for if you are hungry, you will live or die by their attention. Ask them their names. Compliment them. And then mention how much you like the particular food they are handing out :)

For example, at today’s party, I took one bite of a mushroom puff pastry and immediately wanted to eat 17 of them. What did I do? I asked the cater waiter her name (Ellika, Russian) and told her she had nice hair. BAM. Ellika was never more than 3 feet away from me at all times from then on, AND made a beeline for me and my little group as soon as she popped out of the kitchen with a fresh tray. Nicely done.

3. Keep Your Biz Clean: Sometimes, I am a hot mess. Emotionally and literally. It is not wise to be a hot mess whilst at a cocktail party, since I am pretty sure the #1 goal of cocktail parties is to look sexy and shmooze it up. If you are someone who cannot be trusted to not spill powdered sugar down the front of your new black blouse (ME), then DO NOT eat the fucking powdered sugar treats. Other examples: if a piece of sushi is too big to fit in your mouth in one bite, do NOT cram it in and hope no one will notice. If you cannot handle a glass of wine and a tiny plate with treats, PICK ONE. Do not juggle. You are not in the circus.

4. A Word About Pregnant Ladies: Unless you are 100000000% sure the woman is pregnant, DO NOT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT A BABY. This is common sense and if you violate this rule, I truly do not want to be your friend. In other pregnancy party tips, do not touch a pregnant woman’s stomach unless you a) know her, and b) ask for permission. Also related: please ask permission before you bend down and begin singing Britney Spears to the baby in the womb. Some women do not want their newborns coming out crying to the tune of “Hit Me Baby One More Time.” I personally want my children to come out already familiar with the works of Miss Spears, so this would not be a problem for me, but what can I say? Other people are weird.

5. Do Not Vom: I feel like this is pretty self explanatory. Yes, parties mean free food and free booze, but this is not an excuse to gorge yourself and/or park yourself in front of the bartender. To my friends whose favorite words are “open bar,” I say, do what you must, but do not vom. And if you are going to vom, for the love of god, do not rally and come back out for another round. That is only appropriate in bars.

6. A Short List of What Not to Do: Do not talk shit about anyone, especially if they are in attendance, because inevitably they or their friends will be next to you and hear you. Do not fight with anyone. If you are going to fight with someone, go outside and do not do it in your friend’s living room. Do not go to the bathroom without checking to make sure your dress is not tucked into your underwear before you leave the stall. Do not hook up with a groomsman. Do not hook up with a groomsman especially if you are going to be attending brunch early the next morning and you will be forced to sit next to him while awkwardly eating quiche and telling the bride’s mother how much fun you had. PLEASE NOTE: UM... NOT LIKE THESE ARE FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE OR ANYTHING...

And now, a short photo gallery of how NOT to behave at parties. I am going to get murdered for these:




So there you have it. Party tips, by the class act pictured in the photo above. Please note, I am planning on throwing The Bash of the (Quarter) Century in my honor for my 25th birthday this summer, and I expect all of you to read and memorize these beforehand. There will probably be a quiz.


If you have other party tips, put them in the comments so I can read them and laugh. Party on! XOXO.



Monday, March 22, 2010

Did You Know Rabbis Use Gchat?

I am fairly certain my rabbi is more bad ass than yours. NOT ONLY because she drinks wine, sometimes takes me out for fancy dinners, says brilliant things, and is a lesbian, but ALSO because she has gchat, which I love, and which gives me conversations like this:


4:02 PM

E: you are brilliant

and some day

i will say i knew you when

me: what!

that is fabulous

why

E: your blog

it just keeps getting better

and smarter

and more savvy

and i just sense big things

me: i enjoy you

E: and since god and i are like this

well

i know these things

me: btw this conversation is going on my blog

hope you do not mind

E: i never mind being discussed on your blog

it is an honor

you know how madonna has her rabbi

at the kabbalah center

i want to be your rabbi so when you are pictured in US weekly

i can be in there too

me: omg this convo just keeps getting better and better

is it inapprop to say sometimes i wish i was a lesbian so we could be LIFE PARTNERS FOREVAAAAA

but instead besties will do

E: laughing aloud

literally


See? She rocks. That conversation pleased me to no end because I was complimented in it, which is one of my VERY FAVORITE PASTTIMES.


The best was when she said, "God and I are like this" -- ie, besties. Life tip: it is good to have a friend who is a rabbi (or pastor or reverend or Father or what have you in the Christian universe) because they are on a close personal first-name basis with God, and some of us need all the help we can get.




This Blog is Taking Over the World

Today I created a Facebook fan page for Queen of LA! I feel so productive. And tech-savvy. I did it all by myself - I didn’t even have to ask Jacob for help! (okay, maybe once.)


If you’re new to the blog, WELCOME!!!!! I’d sing you a welcome song, but... no. Be glad for that.


Anyways, I was just popping in to update about that, but I will be back later on with a funny g-chat convo and my exciting weekend plans.


First business cards, now a Facebook fan page... I win the award for...


This link should work -- hopefully. The title of the blog is Queen of LA, not Queen of the Internet, but hey -- I'm trying!




Sunday, March 21, 2010

"I'm Not A Businessman, I'm A Business, Man."

Hello lovers. Did you all have a nice weekend? I did. I feel like I’ve got so many random things to share with you, so let’s get to it!


First, EXCITING NEWS! The business cards I ordered for my blog have arrived!


Inevitably, whenever I am out and about, scampering around the city, chatting it up with randoms who I come across, the subject of my blog comes up, and I end up writing the website address on a little scrap of paper or emailing it to them from my phone. Instead of doing that, I decided to go the classy route for once in a blue moon. Yes, in my world, classy involves leopard print. Get used to it.


Front:


Back:

Aren't they adorable?! I'm obsessed! (And yes, I am obviously carrying them around in my bag in a little sparkle pouch. Duh.)

I spent part of the weekend in Newport at my parent’s beach house with a friend. It was my first time going down there this year and I already cannot wait for summer - I plan on laying out on the beach and getting tan every single weekend!

While I was there, I managed to get a photo of something that makes me laugh every time I drive by it, and I wanted to share it with all of you. This gun shop is right across the street from my favorite brunch place in Newport --- check out the sign.

Only in Southern California does the gun shop advertise rifles and UGG BOOTS!!!!

In other news, I bit the bullet and ordered these shoes I’ve been drooling over ever since I posted about them. They came on Friday and are a little too big, so I’m sending them back for a smaller size. When they come, I’ll post a pic ASAP!

Okay, as long as we’re on the topic, I’m having a bit of a shopping issue these days. It feels like every time I turn around, someone, somewhere is having a sale and there are like 72902482 things that I am dying over. For example, starting on Wednesday, Bloomingdales (my favorite store!) is having their Friends & Family Sale, so I pre-saled these Tory Burch sunglasses, below. Um, and these as well. Yes, two pairs. (Cue irritated phone call from my darling mother.)

And now, before I wrap up this post of random yet delightful bits, I would just like to say that I LOVE LOVE LOVE all the kind words, texts, tweets, emails, and messages about my blog. Most of you know how much I love to write, and every time I think of something interesting to share with you or sit down to write a post, I can’t stop smiling. I love this blog and am having so much fun with it and hope you are too!

Do me a favor, if you like a particular post, leave me a comment :) they really do make my day! And if I know you and don’t know you’re a reader, or don’t know you yet, definitely leave one and say hi!


Friday, March 19, 2010

THE INTERNET IS FUCKING AMAZING.

OHHHHHH do I have a treat for all of you.


Last night, I was bored and effing around on my computer (which I am still obsessed with and has given me carpal tunnel due to the fact that I cannot keep my hands off of it), and stumbled upon THIS WEBSITE.


Now, for those of you who are too lazy to click the link, I will help you out. That link leads to a makeover website, and I AM ABOUT TO ROCK YOUR WORLD.


Here I am, ready to rock your world


This is what happens at 1:30 in the morning when you are a) a little hungry (because the new sushi place you tried was absolute shit), b) bored, and c) left to your own devices (because even if it wasn’t 1:30 in the morning, the majority of all your friends live in the South/the east coast and refuse to answer their cellular devices after 8:00pm your time. RUDEEEEEEE.)


WITHOUT FURTHER ADO!


Me with NICOLE RICHIE hair:


Me with JENNIFER ANISTON hair:

Me with CINDY CRAWFORD hair:

Me with KATHY GRIFFIN hair:

Me with JANUARY JONES hair:

Loving it? Me too. Now on to the best ones:


Me with A FRO:


ANDDDDD..... ME FULFILLING MY LIFE DREAM OF BECOMING LADY GAGA:


And finally, me scaring the shit out of everyone INCLUDING MYSELF as a TWILIGHT VAMPIRE:


AHHHHHHHHHHHHMAZING. I told you I would rock your world, didn’t I? Now go have yourself a VERY HAPPY WEEKEND and thank the lord in heaven that I don’t really have Lady Gaga hair :)