Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Rodeo Girl

Yall. I almost didn’t come home from Texas. It was SO FUN. SO AMAZING. SO SOUTHERN! I fucking love the south. I can’t believe my first rodeo experience is over. Do you want to know all about it?

i saw this sign within seconds of walking into the rodeo and immediately knew it was going to be a great night.

I flew to Dallas on Thursday night. Gerrick picked me up from the airport and after a GREAT DEAL OF SHRIEKING when I finally laid eyes on her engagement ring, she shut me up with a chicken biscuit and a cuddle sesh on the couch. I love when we get to do absolutely nothing but lounge and watch TV – it makes me feel like we’re back in college.

On Friday, we woke up bright and early and headed to the brand new Dallas Drybar to get our hairs did! I got my usual BIG HAIR (everything’s bigger in Texas) and Gerr got gorgeous spirally waves. So pretty! And then we packed our pretty selves into her car and got on the road for a mini road trip to Houston!

We got to Houston and after flinging myself dramatically into Julie’s arms, changed into our “rodeo clothes” in a hurry – no, I did not wear hot pink cowboy boots, but I did wear brown ones generously donated to me by Gerr. And then it was time… off to the rodeo we went!

YALL. OH MY GOD. My Houston friends have always told me about how delicious the food at the rodeo is, but HOLY HELL I was not prepared for this level of fried food-ness. I know I do not need to tell you that within forty-three seconds of arriving I had procured myself a sweet tea and a sausage on a stick. Without you judging me too much, let me just say that by the time the evening was over, the following had also been consumed by the members in our group: corndogs, shrimp on a stick, fried pickles, potato salad, chicken on a stick, a cinnamon bun, and barbequed nachos. YES.

Shortly after consuming these things, I also had the opportunity to watch a baby chick be born, and I got to pet a goat and a small black pig. Literally I was in heaven.

But the food was NOTHING compared to the spectacle that IS the Texas livestock show. Oh my god. I sat in my chair OPEN MOUTHED as I watched the bullriding and the calf scramble and when they got to the mutton bustin’, I swear to you I cried laughing. Do you know what mutton bustin’ is? They basically tie small children to the back of SHEEP and send them racing off a course until the small children FALL OFF into the mud. Holy mother of god, my future children will participate in mutton bustin’ if it’s the last thing I do.

do you SEE the small child clinging to the fucking sheep? i die.

By the time Alan Jackson came on stage, I could care less. I had had my fill of everything rodeo related and I was ready to go…. after snagging one last sweet tea, of course :) We finished the night at a karaoke bar where I drank strawberry beer and sang Sweet Caroline and then we came home and passed out.

Saturday was lovely – we shopped, had a delicious lunch at a fancy shmancy place called Tiny Boxwoods, and cuddled and napped until it was time to get ready for dinner and out. Julie took us to a fun bar where the Jews were holding some Purim party nonsense – Gerrick was devastated that she didn’t remember to bring her Big Bird costume from home (“I SO would have won the costume contest!”) and I was in a delightful mood due to the fact that I was wearing my INSANELY GORGEOUS new red Dolce Vita wedges, which got MANY compliments from the gentlemen at the bar. Win.

At dinner:

Did you know that in Texas, they sell pizza outside of bars? So obviously Julie walked right out of the bar and bought a box, which she promptly brought into our cab and offered to our cab driver. He accepted and thanked her for her pizza generosity (this will be important later). We had a glorious drive home with this cab driver, despite the fact that he did not want to play Cash Cab (we always ask), and upon dropping us off at Julie’s, he gave us his card and we bid him adieu. And then the shenanigans really started…

As soon as we got out of the cab, Joy was holding her credit card and we started playing Suck-N-Blow (game from Clueless… google it.) That turned into a massive amount of drunken giggling, which rapidly turned into Gerrick deciding to climb INTO Julie’s apartment complex fountain. Obviously Julie could not be left out of this, so she climbed in too… and that rapidly turned into a splashing fight and the two of them basically SWIMMING in the fountain.

It’s not such a far leap from swimming in the fountain to JUMPING IN THE POOL, which is what those two rocket scientists did next – cannonballed INTO Julie’s pool at 3:00 in the morning in their bar clothes (Gerrick first made me hold her engagement ring just in case). It was all well and good and wet until Joy and I finally pulled them out of the pool so we could go inside and go to sleep… and then Julie realized she had lost her apartment key.

Cue crying and a slight nervous breakdown and Julie SOAKING WET running through the halls of her apartment complex, leaving little wet footprints everywhere she went. We searched the entire place – the parking lot, the fountain, the fucking pool – the key was nowhere to be found. Just as she had picked up the phone to call the apartment maintenance man, we stumbled upon our cab driver’s card. I called him and asked if the key was in the cab. “HI IT’S THE PIZZA GIRLS IS THERE ANY CHANCE WE LOST OUR KEY IN YOUR CAB?!” I asked frantically… to which he replied “No, no no no no… YES.” HE HAD IT! Julie grabbed the phone and offered him $100 to come back… and he did! CRISIS AVERTED!

In conclusion, always offer your cab driver snacks when you have them :)

Sunday passed way too fast… we woke up late, had brunch (with Alyssa!), ran around the city some more, and then met up with a bunch of fellow Wildcats for the Arizona-Texas game! Let me tell you, nothing makes me happier than sitting in a crowded bar surrounded by friends wearing that big Arizona A cheering and screaming for our team. We’ve talked about how I’m not an insane sports fan before, but even I got caught up in that amazing game… and yes, that was DEFINITELY me who jumped ONTO the actual table and screamed so loud I lost my voice after the buzzer went off and we won. (Don’t judge me. Julie cried.) What a game! So proud of my Wildcats! And so glad I got to watch it with some of my best friends!

All in all, a really fun trip to Texas. I love that state and I love my friends in it… they make me so happy. Someone today called me a “wannabe Southern girl” and let me tell you, I wear that label with pride – the great state of Texas is certainly great! Can’t wait to return in a few weeks!


Dana said...

really jealous of this weekend I kind of broke out with the most ridiculous laugh ever in regards to the late night fountain/swimming incident. love it ladies! I need TO GO TO TEXAS NOW.

cara said...

i was waiting all day for this one bc i knew it would be hilarious. the mutton bustin' comment tickled me. i pictured you, but paula deen's voice. sound about right?

Jennifer said...

firstly, it looks like gerrick is throwing up n the pool with the perfectly placed waterfall and secondly, the pizza guy looks like a mix of john michael and a little bit of maxim from dancing with the stars lol