Some Fun Updates

Hi everyone! Lots to report in today. I’ll stop messing around and get to it.

1. Unfortunately, I am NOT blogging from my new MacbookPro right now. However, I do have it in my possession finally, thanks to Martha Jew-art making the arduous trek from the valley to Beverly Hills to give it to me, and I am ridiculously excited. Expect to hear all about it very soon.

2. Right now, I have TWENTY-NINE followers. I couldn’t be happier about that. I’ve decided that once I reach 100 followers, I will do an awesome/snazzy giveaway and trust me, it will be gooooood. That’s your incentive to go tell your friends, neighbors, fuck-buddies, sorority sisters, parental units, you name it, all about this wonderful blog o’mine and have them become avid readers as well. And while you’re listening, I might also mention that I really love getting comments, so please leave them. If you leave a comment, I'll know you're reading, and I'll like you a lot - even more than I like you now. The more you comment, the more I’ll blog – how’s that?

3. Speaking of blogging, I apologize for not blogging for the past few days. Things have been hectic – tomorrow is my last official day of work at the Fed, and I have been alternating between being insane, where I run around and try to pack up my office and not break things, and being sad, which involves me sending out emails to my colleagues using words like “bittersweet” and trying not to cry into my kugel at the Fed’s annual holiday luncheon. Wah. Also, I’ve been packing. For what, you ask? Oh, just read on….

4.On Thursday, the Silvermans will be leaving for our annual extended-family trip – The Dysfunctional Family Vacation. This year, we’re traveling to the Mayan Riviera, which apparently is located near Cancun. For those of you who are not familiar with the DFV, as it is fondly referred to, I suggest you read this short writeup, taken from my last blog (the late DFWF) and try to keep up...

Every year, my grandmother, two aunts, two uncles, five cousins, two parents, Bailey J, and me hop off to some lovely exotic locale where we drink, eat, fight, laugh, and generally have a ridiculous time. Past incidents have included a certain fainting incident by yours truly, resulting in my needing to be rescued by a woman with one leg, and a crew member falling overboard a cruise ship. (I told you to read the write-up! What are you waiting for?)

the poor Mayan Riviera will not know what hit it

Anyways, this year I’ve decided I’ll be LIVE BLOGGING the DFV. That’s right, every night while on the trip I will post a short recap, complete with pictures, about what we did that day. I’m considering instituting some regular categories, including naming a FMOTD (Family Member of the Day) and a GMU (General Mood Update) as well.

last year's highlight: beer pong in the hotel lobby with mexican corona. no, i'm not joking.

I’m very excited about this and you should be too, if you like to read about insane people and the insane things they do. There is a reason why Benjamin Noah Madick suggested we become the first reality TV show, long before reality TV even existed. Trust me.

SURPRISE!

So, it’s about time I blog about last weekend’s events – The Rebecca Gerrick 25th Birthday Extravaganza!

Last Thursday, unbeknownst to just about everyone (with the exception of Gerrick’s roommate Christine and our gorgeous pal Danny), Greene Bean and I hopped on a plane from LAX and headed to Dallas to surprise Gerrick for her birthday.

I should admit right off the bat that I was a nervous wreck. Jacob suggested I take a Xanax on the plane – I should have taken his advice because I was freaking out – couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, was too nervous that the surprise was going to be ruined! (I had been planning this with Christine for months – I booked my ticket way back in September! For the past month every time I spoke to Gerr on the phone she would yell at me for missing her birthday. I lied and told her I had a work commitment, and created a completely elaborate story involving my broken cell phone – I knew she’d call and my phone would be off.)

Anyways, it was all worth it – when she opened the door and saw us standing there, she COMPLETELY FLIPPED OUT. She started screaming and crying and for the next forty five minutes, and could only say “I can’t believe y’all are here! I can’t believe y’all are here!” over and over to the point where I grabbed her and said “BELIEVE IT.”

(This is a link to the video of us surprising her. I really hope you can see it!) The surprise ended up being perfect, and so was the weekend! We did tons of fun stuff, and of course, I was dying over the food. You all have NO idea how much I love the way Southern people eat, and we went to some fabulous places.

Friday we had lunch at this yummy BBQ place Sonny Bryan’s. I was clearly all about the sausage – no joke intended. I LIVE for tubular meats. Then we all headed over to the Gaylord Texan Hotel to see the Ice Winter Wonderland. It was amazing! We got to go down slides made completely of ice, and they gave us these huge coats to wear because indoors it was EIGHT degrees.

I may or may not have reenacted the nativity scene and starred as baby Jesus Christ. Don’t worry, none of my Christian friends were offended – I made them star as Mary and Joseph.

Of course, none of this compares to what happened next – when I met SANTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my god, I was flipping out. He was SO NICE and he asked me if I had been naughty or nice. My response? “Honestly, Santa? Medium.”

On Saturday, we had lunch at Babe’s Fried Chicken. I am still dreaming about their honey mustard. We had one more surprise for Gerrick – once we all got back in the car, we threw a blindfold on her and drove her to the roller skating rink, where everyone else was there for a surprise 80s-themed roller skating party! I totally rocked it out in hot pink leggings and the world’s biggest bow headband. And trust me, you have not lived til you’ve seen me on roller skates.

Saturday night (after I had stuffed my face with Chickfila and was taking shots with a sweet tea chaser) was the big birthday bash, as Gerr was finally turning 25 at midnight. We spent the night at a bar called BlackFinn and had a fabulous time drinking and dancing – special shout out to Daniel Conroy, whose moves are OUT OF THIS WORLD.

Sunday we headed over to Gerr’s mom’s house for a Hanukkah/birthday brunch, which was lovely. Then, Greene’s sister Amy (who I call Original Greene Bean, who we also surprised in Dallas!) came and took us to the airport :( I was sad to leave. I love Texas.

All in all it was such a fun weekend. I’m so glad the surprise worked! And now that it’s over, I have about six months before Gerrick starts talking about her NEXT birthday….

Hanukkah with Martha Jew-art

Last night, I went home for a big family Hanukkah celebration, and it was fabulous!

For those of you who don’t know her, my mom takes hosting parties VERY seriously. We Silvermans have strict rules when it comes to how dishes are arranged, what we’re allowed to serve, how food is displayed, etc. God help you if you put a container full of hummus on the table without first scooping it into a crystal cut bowl in front of my mother. She may very well have a nervous breakdown in front of you.

I’ve decided to give her a new nickname – Martha Jew-art. HA! Isn’t that great?

Anyways, Martha Jew-art went all out for last night’s Hanukkah party. I’m talking regular latkes, sweet potato latkes, coconut chicken skewers, short ribs, roasted veggies, and chocolate/challah bread pudding. She even stuffed sherbert into mini hollow dreidels!


It was all served on this gorgeous table. You’ll notice Martha Jew-art went a little nutso with the blue and white tinsel. She even created her own gigantic menorah out of assorted candleholders! She’s very crafty, that one. (And intense. She made me stand on a stepstool to take these pics.)

Here are some pics of her and her little pals posing in front of her various Hanukkah-themed tableaus. (I may or may not have tried to teach them the whole you look skinnier when your hand is on your hip thing, to various degrees of success.)

As far as the gifts went, I scored big. Bailey got me these fabulous Kate Spade earrings. I opened up a new Northface coat (after mine was stolen out of my suitcase in Poland) and here is a pic of me wearing the Anthro shirt I wanted today:

And to top it all off, we finally gave Daddy his present! Months ago, a colleague of mine told me about the Penguin Water Carbonator from Williams Sonoma. It’s a little machine that instantly turns regular water into sparkling water! As soon as I saw it I knew this would be SO insanely perfect for my dad – he LOVES sparkling water. We go through dozens of bottles of Pellegrino every month! I couldn’t wait to give it to him and he obviously loved it!

Hanukkah is almost over and I’m a little sad. However, after this weekend, I’ll be blogging from my BIG Hanukkah present – a new Apple computer! I’m finally making the switch and I’m so excited!

"The List" - The Annual Jordan Marisa Rose Hannukah Email

So! Judging by the frequency of which you read this blog, as well as how well you know me in real life, you most likely know by now that I take gifts very seriously.

Since we are right smack in the middle of Hanukkah, I thought I’d post a little something that brings the Silverman family to tears everytime it’s brought up. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the Annual Jordan Marisa Rose Silverman Hanukkah List.

Each year, I cobble together all the little trinkets and goodies that I’ve had my eye on, and send it over to the parentals in a loving yet firm email. In order to make it as user friendly as possible for my parents (mostly my father, whose cell phone is approximately the size of an 8½ by 11 piece of paper), I include direct links to the items online, and appropriate sizes, colors, etc. This works out well for everyone – left without guidance, I end up opening trial-sized nail polish for Hanukah (from my mother) and a jaunty zippered beret from my father (true story). By utilizing the list, they ensure I’m happy, and I ensure they’re happy, because I’m happy.

For your viewing pleasure, I’ve posted it below. In my opinion, the 2008 version is funnier than the 2009 list, but my parents assured me that they laughed equally hard when they received the 2009 email. So, here we go!

The 2008 List:

My dear parents,

For weeks now, I have been promising this email, and for weeks, I presume you have lain awake at night, wondering what this list could possibly bring you. And here it is -- filled with treasures and playthings, sure to bring a smile to my face and empty your wallets.

"But we're in a recession!" you cry. True, true. But be that as it may, Hannukah is rapidly approaching. Still, as my nod to these troubled economic times, you will notice that I have only suggested six items rather than the usual eight. As my concession to the recession - it rhymes! - I will gladly take one for the team and unwrap only six gifts during the Festival of Lights. Consider the two missing nights o'presents a sign of me growing up.

Without further ado, I give you the Jordan Marisa Rose Silverman 2008 Hannukah List:

J.Crew Babette jeweled peep toe flats – yellow, size 9, $315
For Like Ever poster, pink/red, $60
2009 Office calendar, $15
Vogue Living coffee table book, $50
Square ikat print scarf, magenta/gold, $98
Gift certificates to any of the following retail establishments: Nordstrom, Bloomingdales, Neiman Marcus, Barneys, Saks, J.Crew, Urban Outfitters, Barnes & Noble

If you have any questions, comments, or suggestions, I am available at (818) XXX-XXXX. If your questions, comments, or suggestions fall between the hours of 12am midnight - 8am, I invite you to call my assistant Bailey Olive at (818) XXX-XXXX. I'm sure she will not mind being woken up in the least.

It is a pleasure, as always, doing business with you.

With love and latkes,
Jordan Marisa Rose Silverman

The 2009 List:

My glorious parental units,

My, how fast a year flies! Doesn’t it seem like just yesterday that you received the Jordan Marisa Rose Silverman 2008 Hannukah List?

You are mere moments away from reading the Jordan Marisa Rose Silverman 2009 Hannukah List. Take a minute to calm yourself down. Those sweaty palms, that rapid heartbeat, it will all soon be over, and the list will be in your hand. Feel your full wallet, and treasure the sensation. It will be much, much lighter, in just a few seconds.

Without further ado, here we go. I hope your seatbelts are fastened!

MacBook Air – available at www.apple.com
Kate Spade Queen of Hearts Ring – available at Nordstroms
Kate Spade El Morocco Lauralee bag – available at Kate Spade or Bloomingdales
Anthropologie gift card – I can’t find the link to the blouse I want, but rest assured, it’s gorgeous.
Another pair of Toms shoes – black glitter, size 9, available at Neiman Marcus

Using a favorite term from last year’s list, as a “concession to the recession”, I kept the list short and sweet. Now, in case you’ve forgotten this next part, I’ll go over it again. If you have any questions, comments, or suggestions, I am available at (818) XXX-XXXX. If your questions, comments, or suggestions fall between the hours of 12am midnight - 8am, I invite you to call my assistant, Bailey Janna, at (818) XXX-XXXX.

It is a pleasure, as always, doing business with you.

With love and latkes,
Jordan Marisa Rose Silverman

Happy Hanukkah everyone!

Baby It's Cold Outside (And I LOVE It!)

I can’t believe how cold it is in LA! I am obsessed with cold weather – living in LA my whole life and going to school in the desert, I am not so familiar with chilly weather. So anytime I can pull out my Burberry coat and my Uggs, I do so immediately!

For some reason this weather reminded me of a funny story. When I was a senior in high school, my college counselor assigned our grade an assignment to make a list of the things we knew we wanted in our future university. My list read something like this:

- Small to medium sized school
- Liberal arts college
- Greek life and athletics not important
- preferably on the east coast – I love snow and I hate hot weather!

Um…. Anyone else find this funny?

Where I ended up? THE BEST SCHOOL ON EARTH! The University of Arizona :)

- more than 30,000 undergrad students
- not liberal arts
- major Greek life
- major athletics
- HOT WEATHER 300+ DAYS OF THE YEAR!

Suffice it to say, I didn’t follow anything on my list. Best decision I ever made!

Tis The Season to Give Really Good Gifts

Yesterday, in between wrestling over the remote control (I wanted to watch Gossip Girl, she wanted to watch Friends reruns) and arguing about the caloric content of a turkey burger, Bailey gave me a compliment.

“You are the best gift giver,” she said. “You always buy people things they really want, not just any old thing. You’re so good at it - I love getting gifts from you.”

An unsolicited compliment from the little nug? It almost brought me to tears – especially when our mother chimed in and agreed.

I appreciate the sentiment. I work hard at buying the people I love exactly the right present – I love watching someone open a gift and immediately start talking about how much they love it and can’t wait to wear or use it.

Therefore, since the holidays are right around the corner – Hanukah is literally a few days away and Christmas (even though I don’t know anyone who celebrates it) about two weeks away – I thought I’d post a short gift guide.

When buying gifts, there are a few things I keep in mind:
- I always try to buy people something they would never buy for themselves. That usually means the things I buy aren’t practical. I don’t particularly care – that’s the beauty of receiving a gift, you didn’t spend any money on it, so you can simply enjoy it!
- I ALWAYS remember when someone mentions something they like or want, even if it’s months away from their birthday. I keep a memo note in my Blackberry where I write down the things people mention so that months later, when their birthday is the next day, I have at least some idea of what they’ll want.
- I am honest with the person who I am gifting. I always tell them that there’s a gift receipt attached if they want to return it. Even the best gift givers go wrong sometimes – I don’t take it personally if someone wants to return or exchange something for a different color.

These are all things I’ve recently received or purchased and loved, and eventually bought and given away as gifts to people I love. Without further ado, here we go!

1. Ribbon bow pads – I keep one of these on my desk at home and have given them away to tons of people. I use this website, which I like because you can personalize everything about the notepad – the color ink, the color ribbon, the size of the pad, and you can add extras on as well – rhinestones, flowers, the works! This is a perfect gift for just about anyone – who wouldn’t want one of these pretty things on their desk?

2. Ugg slippers – I have personally gone through 3 pairs of these slippers and just bought myself a new pair. They are my absolute favorite things to put on after a long day at work – I especially love the Dakota Slipper, pictured below. True confession – I have been known to accidentally run out of the house with them on my feet instead of wearing real shoes. Since they come in male and female sizes, you can literally buy these for anyone! They’re sold everywhere – Bloomingdales, Nordstrom, Neiman Marcus… what are you waiting for? Go get them!

3. Picture frames – I love taking pictures and I collect picture frames, so if anyone gave me one as a gift, I’d be thrilled. Sometimes, even if I buy someone a gift, I like to buy an inexpensive frame and give it to them with a photo of us enclosed. I think that shows real time and effort and most people would really cherish the thought. If the person you’re gifting to is someone who you have a lot of pictures with, why not give one of those electronic photo frames, and preload it with photos? I did that for a friend of mine earlier this year and she loved it!

4. Sephora Deluxe Palette – this is something I got for Hanukah last year that I am obsessed with! I can’t think of ANY woman who wouldn’t want this – it’s literally everything you need, all packaged up in one cute little box. Lipglosses, eyeshadows, blushes, and more – a $130 value for only $36? Yes please!

5. Jewelry – now, you may think jewelry is a hard gift to buy for people. I don’t agree – I think jewelry is one of those things people rarely buy for themselves. If you're unsure, the trick is to stay simple – a small gold or silver charm on a simple chain is a gorgeous idea. Of course, if you know the person you're buying for LOVES bold necklaces, go ahead and go crazy. This is a necklace I bought for myself - everytime I wear it, people go nuts. I may have to scoop some up for future gifts!

(Speaking of jewelry, my next blog post will feature some exciting news about a way to buy ADORABLE jewelry for VERY low prices from a VERY dear friend of mine :) stay tuned!)

The most important thing to remember is the person you’re buying for. Odds are, if you love it for them, they will too. Happy holidays (a little early) and happy gifting!

Going Out With A Bang

So at least one of my wishes came true – my Hanukah party was a big success. I truly didn’t know how many people to expect when I first started planning it – some of my events attract lots of people, and some have had to be canceled due to low attendance. So I was shocked – shocked! – when my assistant told me on Friday morning, one day before the party, that we had 240 people RSVPed! And the night of the party, 100 more people showed up!The bar was packed with people mingling, dancing, drinking, eating latkas, and taking amazing photo booth pictures – like this one :)

We ended up having to do a “one in, one out” situation once the bar reached capacity. At one point, I was forced to actually close the doors to keep people out – a problem, but a problem I didn’t really mind having! (At least now I know that I could have a future career in being a bouncer.)

And speaking of future careers, I think it’s time that I revealed to the blog world what I’ve slowly been revealing to the real world…

At the end of this year, I will be leaving the Federation. This was a really difficult decision for me to make, especially considering I am not someone who loves change. And this is a big one.

The Federation has been wonderful to me. I spent almost a year and a half working in the Communications Department as the PR Associate, and loved everything about it: the work, the people I worked with (especially my old boss, Deb), and the pride I felt in working for the Jewish community.

When the position of Young Leadership Division Director opened up, I was asked if it was something I was interested in. And at the time, it was – it was something I had always thought I would be good at, and so I decided to take the opportunity. Now, more than six months later, I’ve realized that being the YLD Director is not the right place for me.

At the end of the day, I am a writer. That is what I am happiest doing – since I was a little girl. And so, I leave to write – and to start a new path for myself.

I hope you’ll come along with me.

Right Now I Want...

It is 2:48pm on Friday, December 4th and right now I want these three things:

1. This insanely gorgeous Kate Spade bag. If you're reading this and you've just decided you love me to pieces and wish to purchase me presents, this would be a good start.

I love the black....But look at the gold! How could I ever choose?

2. My Hanukah party tomorrow night – my final hurrah/last event – to be a big success. I’ve already got 230 people RSVPed – I want to go out with a bang!

and

3. A vodka cranberry. On the rocks. Preferably from Dirtbags.

Happy Friday y'all!

Zoe Domestic and Chic

A few months ago, I signed up to get The Zoe Report, a daily fashion email from celebrity stylist Rachel Zoe. Every morning, I get an email from Rachel Zoe where she describes an item she is obsessed with, talks about why she finds it stylish, and includes a link where it can be purchased. If it’s a high-end item, she includes a lower priced version as well.

A few days ago, this was The Zoe Report:

For everyone out there who is putting a Thanksgiving feast on the table today...why not do so in style? That is not to say you should throw on tranny platforms and a sequin jumpsuit—though I would not argue—but perhaps an understated black dress, tights and lace-up booties to acknowledge the holiday. Cover it all up with a timeless apron, like today's Anthropologie option, and you can cook your turkey in vogue.

If you are afraid of your kitchen, this apron might just inspire you to tackle a recipe or two. A nod to 1950s housewife style, it is polka-dotted to perfection and capable of bringing out the homemaker in all of us. Have a holiday dinner party coming up? Slip it on over whatever you're wearing and concoct your favorite sweet treat or stir up a dish from the American Fashion Cookbook. When seasonal anxiety starts to get the best of you, do as I do and bake your cares away. xo, RZ

Hmmm… looks familiar…. Where have I seen that before?

I am so chic! This is the exact apron I bought for my Halloween costume last month. And look how cute I am! I was a 50’s housewife, Mad Men style. I even baked cupcakes for my friends!

And in other Rachel Zoe news, on my plane back to LA from New York on Sunday night, guess who sat in my row!

It was Brad, Rachel’s assistant! He was ADORABLE. Since I follow him on Twitter, I couldn’t resist tweeting to him:

queenjord: @bradgoreski you are on my flight and my sister and I LOVE you!

bradgoreski: @queenjord Hi! Love you back. See u in la

New gay crush! I am obsessed!