Wednesday, August 4, 2010

The Only Way You'll Get Me In The Kitchen

For someone who loves food so much, I am a pathetic cook.

I am a HOT MESS in the kitchen. We all recall the Great Smoke Alarm Incident last month when I attempted to grill a small pizza in the oven and how well that ended. Every Sunday, my friends and I go to the Farmers Market down the street. They stock up on things to use during the week while they’re cooking, while I look on helplessly and stand there squeezing the avocados. (What? I like the way they feel.) FAIL.

You’ll all love this. True story: when I was 14, I got asked to babysit these two little boys I knew. I arrived as the parents were rushing out the door. “They need dinner!” the mom called. “Make them something easy. Make macaroni and cheese!”

Okay. Macaroni and cheese. Easy, right? I knew enough to know the first step - boiling water to cook the pasta in. So, what did I do? I boiled water - IN THE TEA KETTLE. And when it started bubbling, I POURED MACARONI IN. INTO THE TEA KETTLE.

Suffice it to say, the little boys heard some f-bombs that day. As the tea kettle basically exploded with pasta and water, that’s when I decided the domestic life was not for me. We ate pizza that night. I bribed them with candy so they wouldn’t tell their parents.

So basically I stay out of the kitchen (with the exception of guacamole, but you all know that). Except now that they’re making these, I’m thinking maybe it’s worth learning how to cook?

Behold, a PINK George Foreman Grill! Okay, confession: I’m not as pathetic as I pretend to be. I actually already own a George Foreman, and know how to use it. (Occasionally, I grill a turkey dog or two if I’m really hungry. Like, once every four months.)

I like this and think I may need it - it’s only $15! At the very least, it might get me a LITTLE excited about cooking. Added bonus: the color is called “Lolita,” which really makes me laugh. I don’t know who was in charge of naming these things, but they seem to be a little out of their element. Like me near a stove.

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