Laissez Les Bon Temps Roulet in NOLA!

I literally don’t even know where to start. New Orleans was AMAZING. Everything I thought it was going to be and more.

Of all the things I was most excited for on FART, New Orleans was #1. I have been to Houston and Dallas and Austin and Memphis a ton of times - I am lucky enough to have good friends who live in those fantastic cities who I get to visit a lot. But I had never been to New Orleans, and I just KNEW I was going to love it. Seafood, southern people, thick accents, live music, and amazing history all rolled into one city where you’re allowed to drink on the street? How it it possible I had never visited before?

Well, now that I’ve been, I can’t wait to come back. We left Houston early Saturday morning with Julie in tow and set out for Louisiana to see Bragman. We arrived Saturday afternoon and from then on, the fun did not stop!

WE DID SO MANY COOL THINGS. We drove by the AEPhi Tulane house and hopped out to take photos. We went to not one but TWO parades, including the famous Drag Queen Parade where they throw jello shots and stuffed animals to the crowd - I got SO many beads! (And I didn’t even have to flash anyone.)

We ran into our friend Liza and proceeded to spend the afternoon with her on a horse and carriage ride throughout the French Quarter with a horse named Jitterbug and a tour guide named Bob who told us all about the history of the city. We danced to a reggae band at a bar on Frenchman Street and drove through the Ninth Ward and saw for ourselves the damage still left over from Hurricane Katrina.

We shopped on Magazine Street and did karaoke at the Cat’s Meow, entertaining the crowd with a loud and extremely off-key rendition of Sweet Home Alabama. We took turns riding the mechanical bull at a bar on Bourbon Street (I managed to stay on for a few seconds, very impressed with myself) and then ran off to drink frozen alcoholic coffees at Pat O’s Piano Bar.

We even took a swamp tour! Talk about a Cajun adventure. We drove way out to the Louisiana swamps and took a boat tour where we got to see not one but TWO alligators, and we even fed them! For the record, alligators eat marshmallows and hot dogs. Amazing.

And OH GOD did we eat. We ate chargrilled oysters at Acme and Drago’s and drank watermelon mojitos at Jacque-Imos. We ate beignets and threw powdered sugar on each other. I lost track of how many poboys I ate (maybe three in three days?) and I even tried a crawfish (my friends ordered FIVE pounds, how could I not?). And we KILLED IT at Galatoire’s, one of New Orleans’ fancy old restaurants. I had been hearing Bragman rave about it since 2005 and I was NOT leaving without a meal there. It didn’t disappoint - I can’t wait to go back.

The original FART girls in our shirts! DAMN we look good. All four of us wore them on Sunday throughout our adventures through the French Quarter and we got a ton of compliments/questions. If I had a dollar for every time I heard “Does your shirt say... FART? God bless you, sweetheart” in a thick Cajun accent I would have many dollars indeed.

Bragman spent the entire trip trying to teach me how to say “let the good times roll” in French and an hour before we left I finally got it - “Laissez les bon temps roulet!” So New Orleans (and Bragman!), thanks for a REAL good time. I can’t wait to come back again soon!

Seriously, God Bless Texas

So! Where was I? :)

We arrived in Austin around 7pm Thursday night and headed straight to our friend Alyssa’s apartment. I’ve mentioned her on the blog before - she is two years younger, went to Arizona freshman year, and then transferred to UT, but we’ve always been close - she is fantastic and generously opened her doors to us to crash there for a night!

After dropping our bags off, we hopped into Alyssa’s car and picked up Justin and Joy! Then our whole car headed to The Salt Lick, a famous BBQ restaurant about a half hour outside Austin city limits. UHHHHHH.... YALL. IT WAS AMAZING.

Yours truly is, as we all know, a devoted F.O.S. (Fan of Sausage), but everything on the menu looked so good that I ventured out of my comfort zone and decided to get ribs! Here I am being “extremely LA”, in Justin’s words, and CUTTING MY DAMN RIBS WITH A FORK AND A KNIFE:

Here we all are after dinner - we went and saw Joy and Justin’s new apartment!

Originally, Gerr and I had planned on waking up early Friday morning and going to the outlet mall about an hour outside of Austin, but Joy and Alyssa threw a little fit and convinced us to abandon that plan - “Stay longer! Hang out with us!” Who were we to deny them? We spent the morning walking around South Congress street, going to the Kendra Scott store and some cute boutiques, and met Joy and Justin for lunch at South Congress Cafe for a DELICIOUS meal (Gerrick ate a quail sandwich and was very proud of herself).

Hostess with the mostest! Love and miss you already Lyss!

After lunch, we hopped in the car and headed east to HOUSTON! I was behind the wheel this time, and made Gerrick listen to 2.5 hours of Lady Gaga and Glee (I’m saving the real country music for our long drive to New Orleans). There was no traffic at all and it was a totally easy drive with the exception of one thing... did yall know that Texas has STOPLIGHTS in the middle of the freeway? Yup, you’re driving along going 65 minding your own business when all of a sudden there’s a fucking RED LIGHT in your face. Not so smart, Texas.

Gerrick took this of me singing my heart out on the road :)

But we made it to Houston in no time at all, in time to join the Rubenstein clan for a “Mock Seder” (yes, we are probably the only road trip in history to count a Mock Seder amongst our accomplishments and adventures). Julie’s younger sister had just arrived home from college and had missed the family Passover celebrations, so they had another Seder cum Shabbat celebration, and we were there to celebrate as well!

Us with Julie's little sister Lisa and her cousin Anna... WHY AM I SUCH A MIDGE?!

My next FART update will come from NEW ORLEANS and I am literally so excited I can barely contain myself. I have a feeling I might never come home :)

Hope yall are enjoying these posts as much as we’re enjoying having 'em!

"We Were Southbound 35... To Let Texas Fill My Soul"

Well HOWDY yall! Hope you had a FABULOUS week! I want to update you on our adventures we’ve been having while on FART :)

After I arrived in Dallas on Wednesday, I was in for a real treat: Gerrick organized a special dinner for AEPhi alums living in Dallas, and it was so fun! We went to Gerr’s fiancee Daniel’s restaurant Saint Ann's - look how cute he is, sous chef-ing it up!

Dinner was fabulous and it was so great to catch up with all those girls. Eight of us were there ranging in ages from 28 to 21 and we had so much fun! Love you all so much (esp Lindsey Rob who is a devoted fan of this blog)!

My beloved Goldberg sisters (please note the spray tan has faded to a more normal human-like color):

On Thursday, we picked up our rental car (which was a PROCESS, let me tell you, but ended with us driving off in a lovely Mazda which Gerrick has dubbed the “Silver Stallion”) and FART officially began! She took the wheel first, driving us to Austin - it took about four hours and we only stopped once (I had to pee and OKAY FINE, I could not resist the signs advertising HOMEMADE BEEF JERKY so we stopped at Robertson’s Beef Jerky Emporium.) Obviously we made friends with the jerky boys, one of whom took this lovely photo of us:

I want to tell yall about Austin and Houston, but I am going to break this up in two posts... in the meantime, I want to take this opportunity to reveal the beautiful shirts we designed for this glorious road trip!

LOVE IT! We ordered a shirt for every one of our friends who we were seeing or who was hosting us while on our way, and have been handing them out at each stop we make. Here’s Joy modeling hers:

I will update again and fill yall in on Austin and Houston soon. Have a great night!

New York, I Hardly Knew Ya!

Omg! What a long absence it’s been. Did yall miss me? I’ve been very busy the past few days in New York - visiting family, celebrating the Jewish holidays, and of course, getting some fun in there too.

I took the red-eye to New York Friday night and arrived Saturday morning. After a few hours of nappage in the hotel, I woke up and headed out for a DOF with Mama and Bailey J! We had brunch at ABC Kitchen (amazing), did some shopping and then headed home just as New York got DRENCHED in a torrential downpour. We ventured out for dinner at Kin Shop (Harold from Top Chef Season 1’s new restaurant) with JMDV before coming home and passing out. Good first day!

Sunday morning I woke up bright and early and met my New York girlfriend Miss Robin Greene and perpetual 5+ Carly Bab for brunch at Balaboosta (shout out to Daniel for the great rec!) Correction - I met Robin for brunch. Carly sent us both a text at 7am saying (and this is a direct quote, complete with spelling errors) “I think I am going to be layTe.” Robin and I were at brunch for a full hour before CBab rolled in, hair uncombed, missing a bra, looking DAMN FINE. Cue uncontrollable laughter on my part, which continued as Carly looked at the handsome boy next to us and said to him “I know you from somewhere! Did we go out on a date?” He replied no. Carly insisted it had to be the case: “Maybe we met on JDate?” Finally the poor boy gave it up - “We never went on a date... I know this because I’M GAY.” I literally almost had to be escorted out of the restaurant I was laughing so hard. Poor polite Robin didn’t know what hit her... that’s probably the first and last time she ever hangs out with us again.

So cute! Outside the restaurant. Stace are you jealous? :)

After brunch I grabbed a cab and headed to Times Square to meet the female members of my family for a matinee - we saw Priscilla, Queen of the Desert and OMFG YALL it was amazing. From the moment it started til the time when the curtain came down I was riveted to the stage, in all its hot pink feather boa sparkle glory. Look, it’s basically a glorified drag show, it’s not going to save any lives, but Jesus was it entertaining. I (naturally) bought the CD and have not stopped singing it since.

We spent Monday and Tuesday in Long Island staying with the fam getting ready for our Seders, which were, in typical Jordan Silverman fashion, over the top and insane. Our first Seder, held at my cousin's house, was jam-packed with more than 20 loud screaming Jews.

This was John-Michael’s very first Seder, and BOY was he in for a treat. I don’t think he knew whether to laugh or cry the entire time. Also, I dared him to eat a piece of gefilte fish and HE DID!!!! I was open-mouthed with horror and, not gonna lie, I’m REALLY impressed. He is basically an honorary Jew now.

Sister sister! I am OBSESSED with my new scarf. Expect to see a lot of it in the next few months.

During our second Seder the following night, we were mid-prayer when all of a sudden out of nowhere the electricity in the ENTIRE HOUSE went out. What’s a group of non-handy Jews to do? Well, we whipped out the candles and flashlights and finished the Seder in the dark. We then proceeded to eat the entire meal in the darkness as well. My cousin Sam took this picture to illustrate - please note both the flashlights on the table, as well as my ELECTRIC ORANGE FACE. (I need to explain. Bailey convinced me to get a spray tan, which I’ve done many times and am a fan of. UMMMM?!?!?! Note to self: do NOT get a spray tan anywhere within 50 miles of the Jersey Shore. I walked out of there looking like a fucking Oompa Loompa and only now, two days, three showers, and a whole lot of scrubbing, do I finally look more like a human being than Snooki reincarnated.)

Anywho. I’m actually writing this from Dallas right now! Gerrick’s couch, to be exact, with her disgusting cat perched next to me staring intently at me. (I’m legitimately scared and want to run away, but I braved the feline terror to update yall.) I got here this morning and we’ve already had tons of fun - I’ll fill you in next time I post.

FART officially starts tomorrow and I am so excited! I will update again soon with stories and pics about our various adventures through what my boyfriend called “the mysterious wonderland known as the South.” Love it. Wish us luck!

More Announcements!

It seems in all the F.A.R.T excitement yesterday I forgot to make two OTHER very important announcements! (I actually didn’t forget but I hate doing two posts on one day. So yeah I just lied to you.)

ANYWAY. Announcement #1...

Tonight I am off to New York!

As is Silverman tradition, we will be celebrating the holiday of Passover in New York with our family. We’ll be spending the weekend in Manhattan, seeing shows and eating in restaurants that I have obsessively chosen and shopping our hearts out and probably freezing our asses off, and on Monday, we will head to Long Island for some Seder action. (Ugh, matza. I hate matza.) I’ll probably be posting sometime Monday or Tuesday so look out for a full NY report then!

And Announcement #2...

Yesterday was my mom’s birthday! Let’s take a moment to celebrate Martha Jewart...

My mother is the most brilliant, loyal, generous, considerate, charming, hilarious, responsible, talented, intelligent, gorgeous, adorable, smart, respected, elegant, funny, enthusiastic, classy, skilled, beautiful, confident, trustworthy, kind, wise, solid, glamorous, clever, stunning, fabulous, thoughtful, agreeable, honorable, witty, sensible, calming, interesting, delightful person I have ever met.

She is the best goddamn role model I could ever have. She is the best friend I could ever have. She is the best person I have ever met in my life, and I thank my lucky stars every single day that she is mine.

Happy Birthday Mommy! I love you more than anything in the world!

Hope you all have a fantastic weekend and a very Happy Passover if that’s your thing!

Announcing F.A.R.T!

I promised a big announcement today. You ready?

Exactly a week from today, I am leaving on an eight-day road trip through the south with my best friend Rebecca Gerrick!

This trip has been planned for MONTHS and to say we’re excited is the understatement of the year. We first got the idea way back in September - remember when I flew to Dallas and Gerrick and I drove to Austin for a few nights to see our friends? Well, the car ride was about three hours, and we got to talking and realized that neither of us had ever been on a real authentic road trip ever before. We joked about it at first, but after a few weeks realized that it actually sounded fun and doable - so we made an official plan and picked a week in April to do it...

...And now, after months of planning, many phone calls back and forth, an entire GMail folder in my inbox devoted to conversations about it, and a lot of saving, it’s finally here!

Anyway, here are some fun details...

• Our official itinerary is DALLAS --> AUSTIN --> HOUSTON --> NEW ORLEANS --> MEMPHIS.
• We are renting a car for most of the trip, and taking a train as well!
• We will be staying with our friends who live in those cities along the way - aren’t we so lucky we have such generous southern friends?
• I have never been to New Orleans and I CANNOT. FUCKING. WAIT. Everyone I know tells me how much I’m going to love that city and I am seriously counting down the minutes til we get there!
• I am DEFINITELY planning on coming back with a thick southern drawl :)

In typical Rebecca/Jordan/recovering sorority girl fashion, we, um, made T-shirts. Like got them professionally made (by the guy who made AEPhi’s shirts in college - yes I called him up and YES he remembered me by my FULL NAME AND POSITION IN AEPHI. JESUS CHRIST). I designed them myself and I can’t wait to show you what they look like, but I’ll have to unveil it next week since I’m surprising Gerrick with the design.

Gerrick is bringing her iPad and I’m bringing my laptop, so don’t worry, I’ll be blogging the whole thing :) I’m planning on updating every time we change cities, so you’ll be able to follow along with us! You can expect a lot of photos of the two of us being idiots, the many crazy sights we’re planning on seeing, and of course, a lot of photos of the food we’re eating along the way :)

Oh, and one more thing you should know... this road trip has a name. I don’t necessarily agree with it, but for better or for worse, we call it "F.A.R.T."

Gross, I know, but it’s a hilarious acronym that should have you curious for at least a couple days. Leave your guesses in the comments if you want, and if you get it right, I’ll buy you a souvenir from the road!

Finally, if you have any MUST VISIT restaurants or places in or near any of those cities, please let me know! A bunch of people have been sending me suggestions and I’ve been compiling lists and making reservations and planning outings like it’s my freaking job. So send away!

SO EXCITING! NEXT WEEK CAN’T COME SOON ENOUGH!

A Pink of Contention

It’s been a while since I first told you all about how Gerrick is engaged, but rest assured, wedding plans for the Gerrick/Conroy Extravaganza are well underway. She has been very busy over there in Dallas – she picked out her ceremony location, has been touring restaurants for rehearsal dinner options, attended a bridal show, and is going to start dress shopping in a few weeks.

And of course, almost every single day, she sends me links to wedding websites so I can look at bridesmaid dresses.

Do I even have to tell you we do not exactly agree on what the bridesmaids should wear?

I totally get that it is Gerrick’s special day and at the end of the day, I will wear whatever she chooses. But if I am part of the selection process, you better believe I am doing my best to steer her away from heavy satin and contrasting sashes and HEADBANDS. Never in my life have I known someone who loves headbands more than Gerr does.

If she had her way, I think all eight of her bridesmaids would walk down the aisle wearing these:

Don’t get me wrong, I love me some Kate Spade. LOVE. And usually I am all about fluffy, attention-getting accessories. But even I draw the line somewhere :)

Sorry Gerr. And for the rest of you, I promise to keep you updated on the Great Bridesmaid Dress Hunt, sash or no sash, headband or no headband!

Why Do I Not Own These Things?

Yall. The internet is being dangerous again. I want everything. It is very bad and I am possibly going to have to ban myself from my computer. That or give my credit card to someone very stern and trustworthy. If you fit that description, please let me know, we can maybe work something out so I don’t run off and go buy THIS:

And these (which for less than $15 may come and live with me after all):

And this (which for almost $500 will NOT be coming to live with me EVER):

I would also be a happy camper if I could walk around town with these happy puppies on my feet:

While we’re on the subject of shoes, I continue to lust after and dream about those Dolce Vita fuckers. Sold out in my size (AND in the size below and above mine) despite my best attempts to beg, plead, bribe, threaten, and cajole the lovely Dolce Vita man into helping me locate my size. DRATS.

Finally, I would not complain if some lovely human being wanted to gift me with these sparkle situations which I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE INSANE AMOUNTS:

In short, if I bought everything I wanted I would be living in a tiny box on the street. I’d be gorgeously attired, though.

Now that I’ve gotten that all out of my system, I am excited to announce that on Thursday I am announcing some BIG FABULOUS NEWS!!! So make sure you tune in then :)