Thought you all might enjoy this email exchange between me and my brilliant sister. Last week I arrived at work, opened up my email, and was greeted with this hilarious piece of work. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did :)
Sent: High Importance
Subject: The Time Has Come…
…Where I finally seek your input.
I’ve been thinking a lot about how I want to decorate the new apartment I move into, and would love your help.
Things I need:
A new sofa (BIG, comfy, not ikea, leaning towards pottery barn-esque)
What color to paint my walls?
Keep the same headboard, or switch?
Dining room table (thinking round, clear glass)
Please keep in mind the following things:
I don’t want Broadway posters on my wall
Nothing Lady Gaga or Barbara Streisand will enter the door
Leopard in small quantities is acceptable
Not too much color, but a nice turquoise vase or colored rug is acceptable
No floral bedspreads from urban outfitters/ anthropologie
Number of picture frames will be limited; I know you can go overboard in that dept.
Remember, pink is your favorite color… not mine.
Also, any money you can give me to help finance the apartment would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks for your help! Looking forward to hearing from you!
I WAS DYING. Who knew Bailey J was SO DAMN FUNNY?! Not me, that’s for sure. Here’s my response:
Sent: NOT High Importance
Subject: You have lost your damn mind
Major props to you for this artful plea for help. I am more than happy to assist and will try and tone down my love for hot pink and glitter as best as I can.
Let’s first talk about the couch. I happen to agree that a couch is a very important piece of furniture and should be an investment. However, knowing you as well as I do and knowing your tendency towards wanting new things fairly often, it is my belief that you do not need a super fancy coffee table/side table combo. There are plenty of low-budget options out there that look classy and elegant without you having to spend a ton of your (Mom’s) money. IKEA has plenty of decent options that don't look cheap (I'm partial to this one), and I absolutely love the CB2 lucite coffee and side tables - considering buying them for my own apartment!
You want leopard in small quantities? Well, it is my belief that leopard should be done in massive quantities, but what do I know? :) Just a few weeks ago, I stumbled upon this rug on Overstock.com and promptly bought it! Mind you, I have absolutely nowhere to put it right now and it’s currently residing in my hall closet, but I’m not worried – it’s timeless and classic and I’ll find a space for it eventually. If you fall in love with a rug and it's too expensive, I advise buying a small version of it - that way you still can have a little taste of the print you love. Other rug options I particularly enjoy are some of the following:
May I also gently but firmly remind you that you moved to New York less than a year and a half ago and HALF YOUR STUFF IS BRAND NEW? You do not need a new headboard, the one I spent three weeks helping you find last May is still gorgeous and in perfect condition. Furthermore, part of solid interior design centers around finding new places for things you already own. That brightly colored console you currently use for HIGH HEEL STORAGE would look fantastic in your entryway with a mirror propped above it. If you want to spice up your old Ikea couch that currently resides in your bedroom, toss a cozy throw over it or buy a cool new slipcover.
May I also remind you that when I was in New York last September, I took you to buy a new duvet cover? For some reason that I don’t understand, you chose white, which goes well with your previously mentioned headboard and other bedroom accoutrements. You do not need a new duvet cover. If you would like to spice up your bedding, here is a brilliant concept – THROW PILLOWS. Below you’ll find a sampling of the ones I am currently enamored with, all reasonably priced.
I understand that Broadway posters are not for everyone but every apartment needs a little extra ZING on their walls. Since you and I have MASSIVELY different ideas of what is quirky and funky and interesting and fun, we will probably have to battle this one out in person. For anyone else who is interested in new wall art, I recommend browsing around 20x200 – $20 original artwork!
Finally, Bailey J, I’m terribly sorry to disappoint, but at no time will I be donating funds to help finance the apartment. Consider yourself lucky I am not CHARGING YOU for my interior design expertise :) Here is a thought: stop taking cabs and start taking the subway. You are welcome.
Lots of love and leopard print rugs,