Full of GLEE!

Hi puppies! Did yall have a nice long Memorial Day Weekend? Mine was full of sun and fun and friends. I saw the Hangover 2, laid by the pool (and got a baaaad sunburn), was dragged to the mall but did NOT break NO SHOPPING MAY, snuggled with a cute boy, went to a fabulous BBQ, went to the beach, and made my famous guacamole not once but twice.

Fun, right? Yes. But all that pales in comparison to the REAL standout of my weekend...

GLEE LIVE!!!!

Oh yes. Saturday night I was one of the thousands of screaming girls in the audience at the Staples Center, shrieking and hyperventilating over Rachel, Finn, Kurt, Brittany, Santana, Puck, Mercedes, Quinn, Tina, Artie, and the rest of my pals from my favorite show.

Who, you ask, is the brave soul who accompanied me on this journey of epic proportions? My sweet boyfriend took on the task - what a gem. You might think I dragged him to see it, but I can assure you, as an expert film/television critic, he is actually quite familiar with the show. (That’s a kind way of saying he watches it whilst SHOUTING at the TV every Tuesday night about plot inconsistencies.) I warned him about proper behavior before we arrived. I will say, however, that he was a BIG HIT with our entire section. These two teenage girls behind us laughed uproariously every time he yelled something at the stage (ie “DO ‘RUN JOEY RUN’!”) while the old couple in front of us smiled approvingly after Chris Colfer performed and Rami yelled “Chris that Golden Globe was WELL DESERVED!”

Here we are before the show. He’s not looking at the camera but I look fantastic so THERE YA GO.

What else can I say about it? I loved every minute of it. They played so many of their best songs, including a ton from the first season, which I wasn’t expecting, so that was a great surprise. Here are some of my favorite parts:

Oh yes that would be Brittany performing Britney Spears' "Slave." I WAS DYING. Literally was short of breath.

Santana and Mercedes doing River Deep/Mountain High. DIVA OFF = AMAZING:

Rachel Berry and Kurt. I may have cried after this one. Yeah.

LOVE OF MY LIFE PUCKERMAN THRUSTING HIS HIPS IN MY DIRECTION. I swear I was acting like a 13 year-old girl. It was not okay.

Single Ladies dance! EPIC. I am ashamed to admit I had forgotten about this, so it was such a great surprise when it started!

Oh and did I mention the fucking WARBLERS WERE THERE?! Including Blaine, who should be lucky I was not close enough to lunge out of my seat and try and kiss him.

Basically I looked like this for 2 hours:

That is my best “OMFG THIS IS AMAZING” face.

Let’s sum this up: I am SO glad I went - last year I had tickets, but ended up staffing a Birthright trip and had to sell my ticket, so now I can finally say I saw it :) It was honestly so much fun! And you can bet that if there is a 2012 show, I’ll be there screaming my head off again!

Forget You

Was minding my own business a few days ago, happily googling "leopard print nail designs" and listening to Jersey Boys on repeat when my phone buzzed with an interruption. It was an email from my mom.

"Am I allowed to go to this? I LOVE HIM!"

Lord in heaven. What did I do to deserve this nonsense?

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, my mother LOVES Cee-Lo. She doesn't seem to care that he looks like a large overgrown fetus. She got a new phone a few weeks ago and demanded I set her ringtone to his irritating hit "Fuck You", and I shit you not, DANCES WILDLY (no matter where she is) when her phone rings. This from a woman who once tossed my phone across the kitchen when the text message noise beeped too loudly.

What's a gal to do? Well, I promptly wrote back. Here was my response: "You may not go to this. Also, I will now publicly shame you on the internet."

Thought you all might find that entertaining :) and speaking of entertaining, hope you all have a LOVELY Memorial Day weekend! I will be filling mine with sun, fun, and the GLEE LIVE CONCERT. Talk about dancing wildly!

People of Walmart

Two days ago Greene Bean, who is my best friend EXACTLY because she knows that I thrive on bullshit like this, posted this gem on my wall:

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, YALL. Spend the six minutes out of your life and watch this shit immediately.

Words cannot explain my feelings on Walmart. I have never been so utterly fascinated WHILST simultaneously repulsed by a single thing in my life.

My first Walmart experience came in college. The boy I was dating at the time dragged my ass out of bed at 1:00am so that we could “beat the lines and be first in line” to buy Talledega Nights: The Legend of Ricky Bobby the moment it came out on DVD. Spoiler alert: there was no line to buy this movie. There WAS, however, a line in the GUN SECTION in the middle of the night (only in Tucson) and, oddly enough, a well-dressed, not homeless elderly man sleeping ON THE FLOOR in the DVD section. Also, when we went to pay, the lady behind me in line rammed her cart into me on purpose so hard I shrieked and dropped the US Magazine I was reading, and when I turned around to glare at her, she smiled evilly and blew me a kiss. Terrified, I ran straight to the car.

I vowed never to return to such an establishment. However, Martha Jewart had other plans for me once I moved back home after graduation. Over the past few years, she has dragged me into Walmarts for the following:

• swirly sparkle chandeliers
• Norma Kamali jersey rompers
• rugs for Bailey's apartment
• black desks

And lots of other idiocy. Also, I cannot tell a lie, one time I voluntarily went into a Walmart in Boca Raton, Florida, to see if they sold the Britney Spears perfume. Uh, obviously they did. And obviously I took a picture.

ANYWAY. This is all just silly chatter. Go watch the video. It’s horrifying, entertaining, gross and funny, all at once, and it will remind you that people in America are SCARY sometimes. Watch it, and then forget about it, and the next time you need to run in somewhere to go pick some stuff up real quick, here’s a list of Target locations.

Seeking Treats

It’s times like this that I wish I knew how to bake. Because if I did, I would bake something, something good like cookies or cupcakes or donuts, and then throw a party, and give my treats out to everyone as little gifts.

And of course, my treats would be wrapped up in THESE adorable little bags!

I am swooning. IN LOVE! I die over anything chevron-print and it goes without saying that since these are pink, I must immediately make them mine. Anyone want to teach this girl how to bake something? Anyone?

Instead of NOT baking anything, I will instead link to my friends at Cookie Casa so you can ogle THEIR baked goods. Shout out to my pal Abby, who works for CC, and is delightful and once provided me with free crack (remember that, longtime readers?). No, not that kind of crack. The better kind.

When NO SHOPPING MAY is over I am going to buy myself some crack and some of those cute pink bags and have myself a fucking party of my own :)

NO SHOPPING MAY: Still Sucking Hardcore

Well OBVIOUSLY I knew this was going to happen. We are mere days away from the end of NO SHOPPING MAY and I am barely holding on. In exactly one week and one day I will be able to shop my little heart out… but that’s NOT SOON ENOUGH.

I have tried SO hard to stay out of malls and away from temptation! On Saturday my boyfriend and I were at the mall to see a movie and we walked by Zara, where they were RUDELY displaying a fabulous pair of hot pink patent leather wedges in the window. I let out a lous shriek and lunged for the door but he stopped me (AKA, grabbed my hand and dragged me away from the window) and I just have to tell you, those damn shoes haven’t left my mind since.

Also, as I type this, I am looking at J.Crew website and screaming “I NEED THESE SHOES” and he is laying next to me telling me to close the computer, I don’t need anything and I’m only torturing myself by looking. Well, try as I might, a fashionable girl has to know what’s out there, so I’ve been guilty of popping by the website a couple times in the past few weeks to see what’s new. So… what’s new? AMAZING BALLET FLATS IN ALL SORTS OF GORGEOUS COLORS AND PATTERNS, THAT’S WHAT’S NEW! I want these and these and these. At least one pair is definitely coming home with me in June.

I’m not even letting myself buy any little luxuries! Nail polish is one of those things that I’ve only gotten into recently, but ever since I started using color on my fingernails instead of a French manicure, I’ve loved picking out new shades to add to my collection. Currently, I’m rocking Essie’s Movers and Shakers (a bright, glossy pink) but I had to remove myself from a beauty supply store over the weekend when faced with Essie China Doll and Chanel Mimosa.

I curse each and every email I wake up to every morning from Gilt Groupe, HauteLook, Shop It To Me, Daily Candy Swirl, and all those other shopping websites. This morning, Net-A-Porter lured me in with the promise of “COLOR COLOR COLOR: Come See Your Monday Picks!” I made the mistake of clicking through and am now paying DEARLY for that mistake because I have now fallen in love with this little number from DKNY. It’s one of my favorite brands, one of my favorite colors, one of my favorite fabrics, one of my favorite styles, and I CAN’T DO A DAMN THING ABOUT IT UNTIL NEXT WEDNESDAY.

Must go sulk in private. Maybe I will drag a little bench into my closet and sit there touching my clothes and thinking about the new friends I will bring to join them next week. But I will not go buy anything. NO SHOPPING MAY, you will NOT defeat me.

Internet Shopping with My Rabbi

Here is your weekly update on NO SHOPPING MAY: it still sucks.

Thankfully, though, I have been given a distraction. My dear pal and favorite Rabbi Ms. Elianna emailed me to say that she was proud of me for staying strong throughout NO SHOPPING MAY but wondered if I would be interested in spending all my newfound free time helping her with a fashion-related conundrum.

I wrote her back and told her I would love to help her – I might as well put my shopping expertise to good use for SOMEONE, even if it’s not me! Plus I love projects and I love Elianna, so I immediately got to work after receiving my assignment:

“Here is the project: I need a proper professional bag for work stuff. I would be looking for something that can protect an ipad/or Macbook Air and has space for personal items (wallet, kippah, cell phone, makeup, etc) as well as a note pad and paper for teaching and a book or two. So it can't be tiny but it shouldn't be too large. I am thinking leather but open. I am thinking black or brown but also open. It needs to look nice but can't be ridiculously priced. Oh, and very important for the subway, it has to be able to close via zipper or clasp but really there has to be at least one internal pocket that seals up. And I don't really like bags with only one compartment. What do you think?”

What do I think? I think that the Queen is nothing if not well-equipped to search the world wide interwebs to help a Rabbi out. So I did my job and went through my favorite websites and came up with a few options that I think might do the trick:

This Ralph Lauren tote is one of the first ones I came across that I thought might fit the bill. It’s a nylon and leather blend, which would make it very durable and easy to clean, and it’s got tons of inside pockets for all of Elianna’s stuff. Plus, at $168, the price is right – elegant but not insanely expensive.

I’ve seen this bag in stores and have swooned over it many times. It’s not cheap - $445 – but it’s Kate Spade and they frequently go on sale, so it might be worth holding out for. I love the quilted leather – this is a bag that can go from day to night very easily!

This bag is not my typical style, but I’m drawn to how classy the crocodile textured leather looks. Again, this one comes standard with a ton of pockets, including a cell phone pocket, and a key ring. For $225, very businesswoman (or rabbi) chic!

I have always been a fan of the large Longchamp Le Pliage tote bag – lots of my friends from school and AEPhi used it as their schoolbag, so I know that it absolutely can fit a notepad and a laptop or iPad. The black and chocolate are simple and clean colors, but I also think the graphite, slate, and bilberry shades are pretty too. At under $150, I can totally see Elianna toting this around the city!

Here’s another bag you might have seen around stores – the Marc by Marc Jacobs nylon tote ($158). It comes in a million colors and patterns, including black, fudge, and quartz, which is a pretty grey. I love the graphic print inside and the side pockets too – perfect for a water bottle or snack!

I cannot tell a lie, this one is my favorite, but at $550 it IS slightly ridiculous. However, as someone who owns several Tory Burch bags, I can vouch for their quality, and I think this one is absolutely gorgeous and timeless. This one can be the one we dream about, E!

J.Crew also makes a nice bag – the leather is always soft and supple and I think they’re always worth the money. This Jericho tote is $258 and comes with a TON of pockets – inside, outside, hidden, all over. I like all three colors it comes in and I’m particularly drawn to its huge inside pocket – perfect for important Rabbi papers :)

So? What do you think of these choices for Elianna? Which one is your favorite? E, I hope you like at least ONE of these… and if not, you know I’m happy to go back to the drawing board for you.

And of course, if any of you ever have a shopping or fashion-related question, I am more than happy to help. ESPECIALLY during NO SHOPPING MAY!

Freezing Free City Pink

Am I dreaming? It is really pouring in Los Angeles? Wasn’t it just like five seconds ago when I was talking about how lovely it was in LA and how excited I was to spend my weekends laying out by the pool all summer? Didn’t I just post a picture of a fucking towel cover? What’s going on here? Who are you guys?

As I have discussed many times around these parts, I actually love cold weather. But not in May! Summer is so close I can taste it, last week I wore sundresses and sandals to work every single day, and now I have to put my boots back on?

me: i have wet hair and am cold

Jennifer: why do u have wet hair its raining and cold out lol

me: I KNOW. but i didnt realize it was going to rain today, as it is MAY and was so nice out a few weeks ago

Jennifer: i slept in sweatpants and a zip up lol

me: ME TOO! a thermal and free city sweats!

I wasn’t kidding about sleeping in sweatpants. I am what you call a “warm sleeper” – meaning wearing anything other than an oversize t-shirt to bed is cause for me to wake up in the middle of the night sweating profusely (hot, I know). But it was so damn cold yesterday that I whipped these out:

God, I love those sweatpants. My beloved Free City sweats have kept me warm for years and years and have only gotten more snuggly and comfortable with age. I also own them in white, grey, and green, but obviously, my favorite is the pink!

Finally, as long as we’re talking about the weather, here is how my phone call with Bailey went yesterday:

Me: “It’s pouring here.”

Bailey: “Well, you know, April showers…”

Me: “Bailey? IT’S MAY.”

Here’s to hoping this weather (and my sister’s apparent mental brain lapse) clears up real soon.

Reunited with Vegas

Oh my gosh, yall. I cannot believe it’s been almost a week since my last post! I am so, so sorry – but it’s not my fault. Blogger went down last week for nearly two whole days and I, along with a jillion other bloggers, were SOL.

ANYWAY. Onward! Hope you all had lovely weekends. I myself had quite a nice one – I spent it in Vegas with my mom!

We all know how much I love the Vegas – I think I’ve well documented it on the blog (including trip recaps and my own personal Vegas According to Jordan Silverman List). Last year I made it out there SEVEN times (impressive yet slightly scary), so I couldn’t believe it when I looked at the calendar and realized I hadn’t been there all year! I called my madre and we remedied that situation immediately.

I cannot tell a lie, my mom is my favorite person to go to Vegas with. We like all the same things – the same malls, the same stores, the same restaurants, the same hotels, the same slot machines – so going with her is like the perfect vacation. We stayed at Palazzo and while she gambled her little heart out, I schmoozed around, laid by the pool, had a massage, took a few naps.

We also ate at our favorite place, Craftsteak, and a few new places too – my friend Amir recommended a Batali restaurant I hadn’t tried, B&B, which was phenomenal, and some other pals had raved about Holsteins, which is inside the new Cosmopolitan Hotel, so we tried that as well – great, inventive burgers and fries. I loved it!

Pink cow at Holsteins – obv I took a pic:

Pink high heel sculpture in the Cosmopolitan – once again, obv I took a pic!

Now you may be asking, Jordan, how did you survive NO SHOPPING MAY while in Las Vegas, mere feet away from some of your favorite fancy boutiques and stores? WELL. LET ME TELL YOU. It was not easy. I held tight to my wallet and closed my eyes when we walked past Chanel and Fendi :) You will be proud to know that despite THREE HOURS in Fashion Show Mall with my mom and an HOUR AND A HALF BY MYSELF in the Caesars Forum Shops, I bought NOTHING! Mommy bought me underwear and a lip balm, but I – and many of my brilliant Twitter pals (thanks MRM!) - maintain those were gifts and do not count against the ban.

Here I am pretending to be a butterfly. Dead sober, I might add. Also, I just realized this picture is extra special because my shirt is actually PRINTED with butterflies. FATE!

In other exciting news, I won $300! That money, which previously would have been spent in about fourteen seconds in Anthropologie or Bloomingdales, is going straight to my checking account, where it will wait patiently until June 1st when I head straight to Apple and buy myself an iPad! Two more weeks to go… I can’t wait!

Anywho, it was a great trip and I can’t wait to go back again sometime this summer! Thanks for being such a fun travel companion, Mama. I love you!

Frame It In Pink

Yesterday I finally got around to printing photos off my camera memory card. I am usually really good about updating the pictures inside my frames around my apartment and office, but for some reason I hadn’t done it in months. Now I have 150 pictures on my way to me and I’m excited to swap out my pictures and get to reminisce every time one of them catches my eye!

You all know I collect picture frames, right? I do. I have tons. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t NEED another one, but I saw this at Target a little while ago and thought it was super cute, and of course, PINK!

Such a gorgeous bright hot pink, and for less than $20 how could anyone pass it up? I could do without the strange looking baby inside but hey, I’m gonna cover it up anyways with one of the pics I just ordered... like one of these, for example!

This post was half a traditional Pink Wednesday post and half an excuse to post photos of me and my fabulous friends :)

Aren’t we the cutest?

No Shopping May: It INDEED Sucks

Remember when I said that NO SHOPPING MAY was gonna suck? I WAS RIGHT.

Why the hell did I decide to do this?! I am seriously suffering, yall. It's bad.

To be perfectly honest, I'm actually truly shocked about how frequent my impulse is to just go BUY THINGS. I'm not saying I'm enjoying this ban - I AM DEFINITELY NOT - but in a way I am kind of glad I'm doing it, if only because now I am so much more aware of my habit (okay, maybe compulsion) to just go kill time at the mall or hop on to a website and spend spend spend. Many times over the past 10 days I have caught myself thinking "I wonder what's new on JCrew.com" or "I can just stop at Bloomingdales on the way home."

(Speaking of Bloomingdales, I want to share what happened last week when I was in one, just days after NO SHOPPING MAY began. I needed to return something, so I stopped at the Beverly Center to run in. I parked, walked in, headed directly to the counter, returned the vest, turned around, and promptly headed to the exit... when out of the corner of my eye I saw the Dolce Vita shoe display. I froze in my tracks between the shoe section and the exit - it was like a scene out of a movie. You know what I finally did? PINCHED MYSELF ON THE ARM TO SNAP OUT OF IT. Yes, I BODILY HARMED MYSELF in order to get myself out of the store. Can't decide if I'm ashamed or proud.)

Also, coincidentally, the blogger behind Anthroholic (one of my favorite daily fashion reads) has ALSO decided on a shopping ban during the month of May, and invited lots of other people to join her as well, so I don't feel SO alone. And I KNOW that I'm saving money - a lot of it! - which no doubt I will probably put to good use, IMMEDIATELY starting June 1st! (My friend Julee commented on the Queen of LA Facebook page asking what I was going to do with the money I saved - maybe make a charitable donation? I told her she was giving me far too much credit and I was probably going to buy myself a fucking iPad when May was over.)

This is what I would like to be doing right this second:

wearing a fancy dress and sassy hat, making pouty lips, and carrying a jillion shopping bags.

So there's my NO SHOPPING MAY update. I'm trying to stay strong. Just keep me away from all malls and the internet. Also, in a few weeks, one of you is going to have to take my credit card away from me. Thank you in advance.