An Unlikely Review

Never in my life did I ever think that I would be posting about a Lean Cuisine. NEVER.

Sure, I write about food -- often, in fact. But usually, it’s about some fantastic new restaurant I tried, or a post about my new interest in food trucks (more on that coming, I swear!)

I am a corporation’s dream customer. When the men in suits sit around their conference table, talking about how they can hook the American public into buying whatever nonsensical item they’re dreaming up, it’s really me they’re talking about. Newspaper ads, billboards, commercials -- I am very easy to sway. Make it sparkly and shiny and my eyes light up like a fucking Christmas tree.

So when I opened up last month’s issue of Cosmo and there was a big advertisement for this new Lean Cuisine staring at me in my face, I bit. I tore the page out and stuffed it in my (eco-friendly reusable) grocery bag for the next time I went marketing.

(Side note: I am from LA. People from LA call it “the market.” We “go marketing.” We do not call it “the store”, we do not call it “the grocery”. It’s just the market. I’m mainly writing this for my friends from the south who give me shit whenever I mention the word market.

Other side note: when I went to the market last week, it was the first time I had been there since February. F my life. I knew it was time to go when I came home from the March of the Living, opened up my fridge, and was greeted with expired salad dressing and capers. Not my idea of a well balanced meal.)

Anyways! What was this Lean Cuisine that I just HAD to try?

Behold, the new Spinach, Artichoke, & Chicken Panini:

their version: so pretty.

I just made myself one for lunch. The verdict, ladies and gentlemen? LOVE. I ate every bite. Honestly, I am typically not the biggest fan of Lean Cuisines, due to my general mistrust of a) boxed foods, and b) healthy things. But this was DELICIOUS. For reference, it tasted exactly like the spinach & artichoke dip at CPK. Yum!

my version: not so pretty, but still a party in my mouth

310 calories. 6 Weight Watcher points. If you’re watching your weight, or if you like eating things that taste fattening but really aren’t so terrible for you, go get it now.

Wow. I can’t believe I just devoted an entire post to this fucking sandwich. Rest assured, this blog will not turn into Dottie’s Weight Loss tips. I’ll be back later with some more sarcasm and tales about things that are either pink, glittery, or chocolate.