I Blame The Internet

Yall. I have a bad case of the “I WANTS” right now. It’s like really bad. And I blame the internets.

Every time I sit down to my computer, even if I have sworn to myself I am only sitting down to answer a few emails or get directions somewhere, inevitably I find myself on Facebook/Twitter/gchat/Bloomingdales.com/Anthropologie.com/ various blogs of strangers/CNN/nymag.com AND LET ME TELL YOU, TIME FLIES. I look up, and it’s been forty-three minutes. Forty-three minutes of my life that I have spent googling “leopard spanx” or some shit like that.

THE INTERNET IS ADDICTIVE. AND IT IS MAKING ME WANT EVERYTHING. For example:

Tory Burch has come out with an updated version of my beloved Eddie ballet flats for fall -- this time, in patent leather! I love my pink and bronze pairs fiercely, and will thus need at least one pair in patent leather. I’m thinking purple, red, or nude. People, seriously, I know you might think they are extremely expensive, and yes, you can find ballet flats for much cheaper, but these are hands down the most comfortable shoes I have ever worn. I have walked for hours in them in Vegas and New York City and basically climbed mountains in them in Israel and they never hurt my feet once. They’re worth it.

Speaking of Israel, on my last trip my friend Katie was sporting this Longchamp bag, and I LOVE IT. It’s so not my typical style - it’s very sporty, very practical, a little preppy (I am NONE of those things) - but I think it’s a fantastic travel bag and it looks adorable in black. I stare at it online every day. NO DAD, I do not need another purse. But if I did, this is the one I’d get!

As I mentioned, my love for leopard is growing dangerously out of control. I am currently freaking out over Leopard Toms....

...and this insane Joie leopard print sweater...

...and this majorly discounted LOFT skirt, which I love so intensely that I just spent fifteen minutes on the phone with the LOFT people, forcing them to track it down. And guess what - they did! VICTORY!

Not everything I want is of the clothing/shoe/purse variety. For example, lately I’ve found myself on websites featuring these little monsters:

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am in the market for a micropig. I must make one mine. I think this little dude would look fantastic dressed up in a pink tutu to go with his snazzy boots, don’t you? I think I will name him Jennifer Lopez, and carry him in my purse, and feed him chocolate chips all day. Oh, don’t mind me, I’m just over here fantasizing about our inevitable reality show, The Queen Brings Home The Bacon.

And finally, lest you think that I have forgotten about my first and true love, I am also coveting one of these:

This hot dog, from Serendipity 3 in NYC, costs $69 which is RIDIC. However, it has massive amounts of deliciousness piled atop it, so it is potentially worth it. Let’s see. According to the press release, “this particular "Haute Dog" is grilled in white truffle oil and is served on a chewy pretzel-bread bun (sort of like a cross between a soft pretzel and a baguette) that's toasted with white truffle butter. It's topped with foie gras pâté with black truffles. Condiments (served on the side) include Dijon mustard with black truffles, caramelized Vidalia onions and ketchup made with heirloom tomatoes (more like a tart tomato relish).”

MOTHER OF GOD. I want. YUM.

I’ll be back tomorrow - in the meantime, I’ll be thinking of this hot dog, drooling, and let’s face it - surfing the internet. God bless the World Wide Web.