People of Walmart

Two days ago Greene Bean, who is my best friend EXACTLY because she knows that I thrive on bullshit like this, posted this gem on my wall:

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, YALL. Spend the six minutes out of your life and watch this shit immediately.

Words cannot explain my feelings on Walmart. I have never been so utterly fascinated WHILST simultaneously repulsed by a single thing in my life.

My first Walmart experience came in college. The boy I was dating at the time dragged my ass out of bed at 1:00am so that we could “beat the lines and be first in line” to buy Talledega Nights: The Legend of Ricky Bobby the moment it came out on DVD. Spoiler alert: there was no line to buy this movie. There WAS, however, a line in the GUN SECTION in the middle of the night (only in Tucson) and, oddly enough, a well-dressed, not homeless elderly man sleeping ON THE FLOOR in the DVD section. Also, when we went to pay, the lady behind me in line rammed her cart into me on purpose so hard I shrieked and dropped the US Magazine I was reading, and when I turned around to glare at her, she smiled evilly and blew me a kiss. Terrified, I ran straight to the car.

I vowed never to return to such an establishment. However, Martha Jewart had other plans for me once I moved back home after graduation. Over the past few years, she has dragged me into Walmarts for the following:

• swirly sparkle chandeliers
• Norma Kamali jersey rompers
• rugs for Bailey's apartment
• black desks

And lots of other idiocy. Also, I cannot tell a lie, one time I voluntarily went into a Walmart in Boca Raton, Florida, to see if they sold the Britney Spears perfume. Uh, obviously they did. And obviously I took a picture.

ANYWAY. This is all just silly chatter. Go watch the video. It’s horrifying, entertaining, gross and funny, all at once, and it will remind you that people in America are SCARY sometimes. Watch it, and then forget about it, and the next time you need to run in somewhere to go pick some stuff up real quick, here’s a list of Target locations.