Flo Ridin

Boca Raton, Florida is good for a few things. One of them is early bird specials. Another is riding around in a golf cart, waving at the old people playing golf. But all in all, Boca is a pretty quiet place. And you know what that means. When it is quiet, I take it upon myself to bring the fun.

(I should mention that yesterday, the whole fam climbed in the car and drove to the University of Miami, so my cousin Ryan could look at the school. We all went on the tour, and let me just tell you I have never been so jealous of a group of college students in my life. Every step we took, I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, “I WAS ONCE ONE OF YOU. I WAS ONCE A HAPPY COLLEGE STUDENT TOO. YOUR LIFE WILL SUCK IN THREE YEARS SO ENJOY IT WHILE YOU CAN.” I managed to refrain, but HOLY F did that hourlong tour make me miss the Tuc. When we walked into the student union, I almost wept.)

But I digress. Back to me needing to provide the fun. When that occurs, things like this happen:

A visit to Walmart. In between dodging elderlies on motorized wheelchair scooters lining up in the Depends aisle and yelling at my cousin Sam to stop riding a bike through the store, I did stumble upon the aisle selling Britney Spears Curious perfume and screamed in delight. SHE LIVES YALL! SHE LIVES!

An afternoon of Family Singalong, where Ryan plays the piano, Sam dances, and I sing at the top of my lungs.

A SPECTACULAR trip to the Boca Raton Flea Market, where expired Essie nail polish and dreams go to die. We spent two and a half hours there and I was THOROUGHLY entertained the entire time. Where else is one lucky enough to stumble upon a shop that sells beauty products, fountains, AND knives? A one stop shop, I tell you!

And you might think that a store called “Romancing The Home” would sell, perhaps, lingerie? Well, YOU WOULD BE WRONG! Here in Boca Raton, Romancing The Home is where everyone goes to buy their grandchildren bedazzled rompers and costumed teddy bears!

I also had to pull my mother out of several stores, where she was attempting to buy nonsense items like 50% off menorahs and stray mahjongg tiles. I failed, however, at preventing her from buying knockoff Bumpits. I’m sure when we finally use those, there will be a blog devoted to the experience.

I did not leave empty handed. I expressed interest in this extremely fuzzy soft leopard robe and to my surprise, my aunt bought it for me :)

None of this is that interesting, however, in light of what occurs tomorrow night. TOMORROW, my friends, is a day that will surely live in infamy. TOMORROW, the stars in the Florida skies shall align. TOMORROW, Jordan Silverman makes her triumphant return to the St. Andrews Country Club Seafood Buffet, and OH MY LORD AM I EXCITED.

The next time I write to you, I will have visited the buffet for the first time in seven (LONG, LONG) years. There will be a blog, god willing, tomorrow night, if I am not laying on the floor in a food coma. But no promises.