CFM: Taking It to the Next Level

I have funny friends. At least once or twice a day, I get a text or email or gchat that makes me laugh out loud. Today my friend Ashley, who is actually my Birthright soulmate, was telling me over gchat about a game she and her roommate Jessica play called “CFM” - Chuck, Fuck, or Marry?

If you have not heard of this game, I'm sorry, but you are obviously over the age of 30. Every single girl I know plays this game. Though my group of friends and I personally refer to the game as “Do, Dump, or Marry,” rather than CFM, it has kept us entertained through road trips, airplane flights, car rides, sorority chapter meetings, classes, and work.

Here’s how the game works: Your friend names three guys. You are then responsible for choosing which one of those three guys you would respectively chuck, fuck, or marry. You are then responsible for explaining why you chose what you chose and defending said choices. Boys can play it too, by naming girls, but honestly I don't know a single boy, let alone a group of boys, who plays this game :)

Apparently, Ash and Jessica take this game VERY SERIOUSLY. According to Ashley, she has “missed weeks of work” due to playing the game all day and ignoring her projects, phone calls, emails, etc.

Here’s the best part: at one point, there was some confusion over the rules of CFM, and urgent clarification was needed immediately. Jessica is a lawyer, so naturally she drew up a VERY authoritative and detailed list. I laughed out loud when I read it. The girl does not fuck around. Behold:

The World of CFM: These rules are non-negotiable: take it or leave it, and learn to love it.

C= person that absolutely repulses you and/or makes you want to vomit. or, compared to the other 2 people in that particular grouping, the person you would least like to be with, sleep with, spend time with, and think about doing sexual things with.

F = person that you would most likely bang. someone you could f, but not necessarily someone you could marry or see yourself spending the rest of your life with. person that would be a wham, bam, thank you maam and be done with. **CAVEAT: if you are lucky enough to have a 3 person hottie combo, then you should choose the person you would most want to f for this category

M = there seems to be some differences between what males and females perceive about what this particular person would stand for. But alas, lets not get carried away with any ideas of what we would want in real world ideal marriages. This is the CFM universe. What matters is this: someone that is good on paper, all-around greatness, the bring home to mom and dad type, can start a family with, engage in family-like activities (strolls in the park, family dinners, holidays, PTA meetings, you name it). Sexual activities or any thoughts about possible sexual compatibility are NOT, i repeat NOT, to be considered in this particular category.

**CAVEAT: this category also has the "_____PRESUMPTION" attached to it (Note from me: name blanked out to protect someone we know!). this means that the person you choose to marry is someone who meets all of the above factors and you know is a great person, yet also someone that you would not f. maybe its because they are not f-ing material, maybe you feel like that person is like a brother or sister to you, whatever the reason - this person by default would fall under the ______ Presumption because you wouldn't want to kill them most likely, yet you know that you could never f them either.

Hope this clarifies...and on w/ the CFM games.

I LOVE THE RULES. PLEASE tell me you are familiar with this game. If not, here are some fun ones for you straight from the hilarious yet demented minds of Ashley and Jessica...

Carrot Top (right now), Dustin Diamond (right now), or K-Fed (right now)?

Zack Morris, AC Slater, Kirk Cameron circa 1992?

Larry King, Regis Philbin, or Kirk Douglas?

Darwin, Pasteur, or Einstein?

Conan, Letterman, or Leno?

Carson Daly, JC Chasez, or Justin Timberlake (circa 2001)?

Britney, Lady Gaga, or Adam Lambert?

Regarding the last one...

Me to Ashley: “I couldn’t choose... is death an option?”

Her answer: "No. You MUST pick and death is not an option."

In that case, I would be devastated, but I would have to chuck Gaga, F Brit, and marry Adam... SEE HOW HARD THE GAME IS?!

Leave your answers in the comments! (Not you, Mom.)