Say Yes to the Dress Stress

So picture this. This evening I was lounging around my parents’ house, watching TV with my mom, when Say Yes to the Dress came on. We were psyched. We love this show. Who wouldn’t? I love watching Jappy and Italian New Yorkers come in to find the “dress of their dreams”, accompanied by their overbearing mother-in-laws and whiny bridesmaids. It gives me sick amounts of pleasure to watch their dressing room antics and tantrums. I like to think I am just mentally preparing for my own bridal gown shopping experience in advance.

(Of course, I also plan on being featured on this show, just as soon as I get engaged and start looking for my dress. I guess I really need to get on the whole finding a boyfriend thing.)

Usually, the women all ask for basically the same thing: a white dress with a little sparkle and not too much poof that makes them look like skinny minnies. But tonight’s woman was different! She wanted something fun! She wanted to be different! I was immediately riveted to the screen.

First, the bridal consultants brought out a pale pink dress with embroidery. She tried it on and looked beautiful (below). Her mother pronounced it “similar to a bedspread.” Next, she tried on a normal white dress with a twist - a leopard silk sash tied around her waist. Her mother said, “This is a wedding, not a jungle party.” She was sad, and I felt bad for her.

My mother was nodding along with the mean lady.

“That lady is so mean,” I said. “Why won’t she let her daughter be happy? Let her wear whatever she wants to wear on her wedding day. I will! In fact, I just might wear that pink dress myself! Or maybe the leopard one!”

Then Elsilv stepped in and quickly killed my dreams. Put the kibosh on all of it.

“OH NO.” she said.

“What? What is the problem? Why can’t I wear a sparkle pink dress that looks like a bedspread to my wedding? Why can’t I wear a leopard sash around my waist?”

“NO. NO.”

I shushed her and tried to turn back to the show and the strange unconventional lady (who may have been a fairy princess, I’m not really sure). But Ellen was still not done.

“Here is the list of things you may not wear to your wedding,” she says, wearing her Serious Face. She was not kidding around.

NO PINK DRESSES. ONLY WHITE.

NO LEOPARD. ANYWHERE!

NO EMBROIDERED SPARKLE HEADPIECES (veils are apparently okay)

NO MERMAID DRESSES (UGH, Ariel is my favorite Disney princess).

The aftermath of the list: I pouted for 20 minutes and then we went and had dinner at Stonefire. She thinks I forgot all about this woman and her pink dress. But I have not... I am just biding my time. I have plenty of time to break her down before it’s my turn to debut on Say Yes to the Dress!