Nothing in my life is ever normal. Why should a night out at a comedy show be any different?

The great thing about new friends is that they introduce you to new things. I’ve been living in LA for 24 - almost 25! - years and I’ve never been to a Upright Citizens Brigade comedy show. Until last night, that is.

Apparently, every Wednesday night, UCB does an improv show called Facebook, where the performers randomly choose audience members and bring them up onstage to get their Facebook pages examined on a huge screen so everyone in the theater can see. Then, the comedians perform improv sketches and comedy scenes based on the person’s pictures, comments, status updates, and profile. AMAZING.

A few friends and I were planning on grabbing a casual dinner last night until our friend Samantha suggested we do this instead. As someone who LOVES thefacebook.com with a passion generally reserved for sushi and carbohydrates, I was immediately down. So, to Hollywood off we went. And it was so fun!

Highlights of the evening:

1. The extremely large bottle of wine we consumed before the show. Mmmm.

2. Realizing my friends might be even more Jewy/yenta-ish than I am. Approximately three minutes after we finished dinner and got in line for the show, Katie announced that she wanted to eat dessert. Alexandra then said she wanted something sweet, too. Samantha pointed out the little market down the street, and the three of them ran off for treats while I held down the fort in line. Five minutes later, they returned. I had imagined them coming back with something small to share, maybe some gummy bears or a pack of M&Ms. OH NO. The three of them returned LADEN with candy -- chocolate bars, Sour Patch Kids, watermelon chews and a pack of gum for yours truly. “You three are like Jewish grandmothers,” I told them as they stuffed the candy in their purses in order to smuggle it in to the theater. “WE LIKE TO BE PREPARED!” was Alexandra’s answer. Spoken like a true J.

3. Grabbing the first four seats we saw so that we could sit together. Said four seats ended up being ON THE STAGE, which immediately sent me into a panic. I like to make fun of myself. I am not always down when others, namely professional comedians in front of a live audience, have the opportunity.

4. Never mind that last sentence, as I ended up making myself the laughingstock of the theater, all by myself without any help from anyone. About ten minutes into the show, I realized that the bottle of wine from was affecting my bladder in a truly horrifying way. I tried to hold it in as best as I could but realized I was not going to make it the entire show. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PERFORMANCE I HAD TO GET UP AND WALK ACROSS THE STAGE, WHILE THEY WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF A SKETCH, IN ORDER TO REACH THE BATHROOM AND PEE MY BRAINS OUT. Needless to say, people laughed. At me.

before the show. yes, we are beautiful, but more importantly, please see what alex and katie are holding -- CANDY.

This being my first time, I was reluctant to raise my hand to be chosen. Besides, when they call on you, you have to sort of pitch yourself, and I was not at all prepared for that. How do you sum up all my bullshit into one tiny little sentence? I need to work on my pitch.

Possible pitch ideas for next time:

“I have 3,500 photos of me tagged on Facebook and more than 150 albums. Either I have a sick attachment to my digi-cam, or I am a recovering sorority girl.”

“Surprisingly, my Religious Views tab does not say Jew. It says Vodka Cranberries from Dirtbags. Judaism is a huge part of my life, but apparently, alcohol is more important.”

“I like to use my Facebook to get attention for my blog. Oh, what’s my blog about? Well, it’s mostly daily posts about fucking glitter and sparkles and what I ate that day and my misguided belief that I am, in fact, the queen of this large metropolitan city.”

I feel like the last one is where it’s at, but again, more thought is required. If you have suggestions, leave them in the comments :) and if you’d like to come next time I head out to a UCB show, I’m ready when you are!