I just bought a brand new Kate Spade bag. For $0.13.

This is a tale of success, endurance, and love. This is also a re-tail. Get it? HA. I am hilarious.

This is what you should know before we begin: I am nothing if not a woman determined. If you need to find something on the internet, BY GOD PEOPLE, I will find what you need and usually I will find it on sale. In stores, I refer to myself as a “digger” - I will dig through bins and piles and racks until I find what I need. On the internet, it is no-holds barred. I will scour the web for HOURS til I am satisfied with what I’ve got.

Here we go. Remember when I first posted about this bag? Well, unlike a great deal of the things I post on here, I didn’t just put it up and then forget about this bag. Oh no. I made it my desktop photo, saved it as a favorite page, and stared at it every day for about 45 minutes total. I was OBSESSED. I needed this bag. Only problem? It was almost $400 - WAY out of my price range. Not happening :(

On Friday morning I logged onto Twitter and saw someone tweet about the Kate Spade Friends & Family sale. WHAT?! My heart started pounding. 25% off the ENTIRE website. That meant the bag was now $100 off! How could I not do it? How could I leave it behind? But $300 is still a shitload of money. I needed the retail gods to smile down upon me.

After work, I dragged my boss to the Kate Spade store at Century City to see the bag. THEY DIDN’T HAVE IT. My heart started pounding even harder. Was it sold out? Were other people snapping them up? I couldn’t be the only one in love with this bag. Was this going to be a repeat of the 2005 debacle with the lime green Prada makeup case, when I hesitated to buy it and it sold out EVERYWHERE? I still think about that makeup case. I was having a retail panic attack.

I got home from the mall, climbed into bed, and got to work. First I tried combining the Kate Spade Friends & Family with the code you get for signing up for their emails, for 15% off. Couldn’t do it - couldn’t combine them. Next idea?

My roommate arrived home and noticed my distress. I immediately told her the problem, and she asked if the bag was available on any other website. It was - I had found it (full price) on the Nordstrom website. Knowing about my MASSIVE Nordstrom gift card (this proves important later), she asked me why I couldn’t buy it from them. I told her about the Friends & Family discount, and she understood - $100 is a lot of money to save! I couldn’t buy it anywhere except Kate Spade.

Then I had an idea. Nordstrom promises to match any price, guaranteed - it’s what makes them have the best customer service, hands down, out of any department store. DING! A lightbulb went off in my head.

I pulled up the Nordstrom Live Help page and out popped a chat box.

“Hi, I’m Clarissa R. from Nordstrom Customer Service! How can I help you today?”

“CLARISSA! HELLO. I need to know if you will match a temporary promotional sale discount from another website if you have the item on your own website. This is not life or death, Clarissa, but it is close. Is that possible?”

I waited. And waited. I saw her typing. My heart rate went through the roof. And finally:

“Yes, we are happy to match any sale price, even if it is temporary.”

I almost died. Literally I almost fell out of the bed. VICTORY! Not only could I get the discount, but I could order it from Nordstrom and have them match the price, meaning I could use my MASSIVE BIRTHDAY GIFT CARD!!!!!

“CLARISSA!!!!!!! YOU HAVE MADE MY NIGHT!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!”

“Thank you. Now how would you like to pay for this item?”

I HAPPILY climbed out of bed and retrieved my gift card to pay for the order. (In my excitement, when asked for the access code on the back of the card, I was too impatient to look for a coin to scratch it off - I must admit to you that I used my TEETH. Rachel was staring at me in honest to god true horror.) After the bag and tax (but ZERO shipping cost), Clarissa announced the total. It was $0.13 more than my gift card. I put $0.13 on my credit card and called it a day.

Now THAT, ladies and gay gentlemen, is how you buy a leopard print sequined Kate Spade bag for less than a quarter. THANK YOU, ILL BE HERE ALL WEEK.

Nordstrom, you have made a fan for life. I now consider you to be God’s personal department store. LONG LIVE NORDSTROM!