“We Can’t Have Boyfriends, We Travel Too Much.”

I’ve had a little visitor this week - my beloved Chechik herself, Jessie Sunday, has graced me with her presence!

For those of you who don’t know Chech, I can assure you she is a delightful treat and one of my all-time favorite people in the world. We met while working at the Fed two years ago, and were quickly inseparable. In addition to staffing my Birthright trip in January and accompanying me and Greene on our weeklong extension/adventure, she also enjoys dancing, and stealing things from my closet whenever I turn my back. She is a true catch. As long as I’m sounding like a dating service, she’s also single and ready to mingle, boys (all 3 of you non-gays who read this hot pink and sparkly blog of mine.)

She is also the only person I know who travels as much as I do (the title of this blog comes from her declaration that it’s okay that we’re single because, after all, we are rarely in the country). After she left the Fed (within one week of me, we could not bear to be without each other), she took off on a two-month trip across southeast Asia, backpacking through Thailand and Vietnam and Cambodia.

I repeat - backpacking. She backpacked. As in, carried her worldly possession ON HER BACK IN A PACK. For two months.

Here is some visual evidence, in case you are like me and had never seen such a thing before:

I’d like to also introduce the following image of my new suitcase, which I bought before the MOTL. I am basically internationally known for my overpacking -- I always say it’s better to have and not need, than need and not have, which translates into me making other people lug my multiple pieces of luggage on and off busses, trains, etc. (In Israel in January, I traveled with three suitcases.)

BUT THEN my wonderful and brilliant mother was trolling the aisles of Ross Dress for Less (I know.) and stumbled upon the most ENORMOUS SUITCASE OF ALL TIME. I can literally fit EVERYTHING in it. It is also electric turquoise, which I like, because I am a very subtle and low-key individual.

BEHOLD:

And now for comparison sake, so you can really see the difference, a side by side shot:

And just for shits and giggles, I made Chech get in my suitcase. We laughed and laughed and laughed, and then put on Glee’s Madonna episode and danced around my living room. Just a typical Wednesday night episode of The Jordan and Jessie Show.

Pink Tassels? I’m In

Oooooh, it’s Wednesday! Time for more pink stuff!

Did you know I LOVE wearing color? Yes, black is sophisticated and slimming, but color is just so FUN. I remember being a freshman in college at a frat party and looking around and literally every single girl around me was wearing the exact same thing - blue jeans and a black shirt. I vowed on the spot to never wear that ensemble out at night again - who wants to look like everyone else? Not this girl. So color it is!

(My sister also used to abide by this rule -- she never wore jeans with a plain black shirt, ever! But that was before she moved to New York. Apparently, they make you surrender all of your pretty California girl clothes/things with color. Now she worships at the Helmut Lang altar and only wears things that are black.)

Anyways, so even on days when I’m not wearing anything special, I still like to make sure I am wearing something bright and colorful and fun. Like this scarf!

I love the hot pink tassels! It’s by Madewell, which is one of my favorite new brands (I have a great racerback tunic by them that I plan on wearing all summer).

I would totally wear this all summer long with white linen pants and a grey tank.. uh oh, I’m planning outfits and I don’t even own it yet. I may need to run out and go pick this up!

Seen anything pink and fabulous lately? If so, please let me know so I can check it out and use it for a O.W.W.W.P. post!

Three Years Ago I Was A Senior in College. And I Was Drunk.

8pm this evening. I am minding my own business, happily eating dinner with Daniel and gossiping. My phone buzzes. I look down. Someone has sent me a pic! I feel popular and loved.

It’s from my dear friend ABG. What’s she doing sending me pictures? She’s at school in Tucson, and it’s AEPhi’s Senior Week! She should be celebrating with her pledge class! I click to open it and LAUGHED OUT LOUD.

I hope whoever at AEPhi created this did not hope that I would be insulted by this because frankly, I AM DELIGHTED. It made me laugh hysterically. And it got me thinking about my own senior week....

Holy mother of god, I am old. My senior week was THREE YEARS AGO. I remember it like it was literally yesterday.

Most sororities all over the country do a variation of Senior Week - a weeklong celebration in honor of their seniors, a few weeks before graduation. There are special dinners, parties, and activities all in honor of the group of seniors, both honoring them and thanking them for their four years of service and participation in the sorority.

So what did we do out there in the desert? Well, since I obsessively documented every moment of my life in college, I’ll just show you! :)

We started off the week with a special dinner at AEPhi, but before we could come into the house, our pledge class was locked outside and made to scream rush songs/cheers before we were allowed to come in. This is all of us when they finally opened the doors!

Then it was time for SENIOR ROASTS! Each girl in our pledge class took turns sitting in front of the whole chapter and hearing her friends tell embarrassing and funny stories about her time in college. There's a reason why I'm blushing in this photo - let's just leave it at that...

The next night, we had a special dinner at the sorority house. I would show you pictures from this night, but none exist. Why? Because I had a little too much to drink at Dirtbags that afternoon and, after dinner, went home and stuck my head in the toilet. TMI? Hey, this is my blog and I can talk about vom if I want to.

Two days later was the night that Senior Week is famous for: Bar Crawl. As a gift to the seniors, the entire house chips in and buys them all matching shirts (how cute are ours? The front says “Seniors: It’s Almost Last Call” and the back says our nickname. Mine said Jordy, obv.)

THEN, we are treated to an entire night of bar-hopping on our very own party bus for seniors only :) we traveled all around Tucson, drinking and dancing on our very own chauffeured party bus. AMAZING!

Having a little too much fun... I am legitimately ON TOP of the bar.

The night after that (yes, we were drunk for about eight days straight), was our very last date dash - semiformal! Look how gorgeous we are!

And finally, we finished out the week with a special senior surprise of our own. AEPhi’s mascot is the giraffe, and in our sorority house, we have a huge metal giraffe sculpture that is constantly being moved and hidden throughout the entire house, much to the chagrin of our house-mom, Kathryn.

Our pledge class decided to pull a little prank in honor of Senior Week: we stole the giraffe and took him on a guerrilla-style field trip throughout Tucson, where we traveled to our favorite spots throughout the city and took pictures of him posing with various people, places, and things. I laugh hysterically every time I think about this night: we took that giraffe to our favorite bar, to dorms, to Wendy’s, to frat houses, to 7-11, to the Student Union, and, for the grand finale, stuck him in the Old Main fountain smack in the middle of campus and climbed in alongside him.

As a gift, we made an enormous collage of photos from the giraffe-theft night and presented it to the sorority. It now hangs on the wall upstairs :)

So there you have it: Senior Week, AEPhi Arizona style. Thanks for letting me reminisce... I still feel old, but happy because most of my best friends are still those same girls :)

And to ABG - my mini me, my love - you are not my bitch :) What you are is an incredibly lucky girl to be just starting Senior Week - one of the best weeks of my entire life! Enjoy every single moment :)

Say Yes to the Dress Stress

So picture this. This evening I was lounging around my parents’ house, watching TV with my mom, when Say Yes to the Dress came on. We were psyched. We love this show. Who wouldn’t? I love watching Jappy and Italian New Yorkers come in to find the “dress of their dreams”, accompanied by their overbearing mother-in-laws and whiny bridesmaids. It gives me sick amounts of pleasure to watch their dressing room antics and tantrums. I like to think I am just mentally preparing for my own bridal gown shopping experience in advance.

(Of course, I also plan on being featured on this show, just as soon as I get engaged and start looking for my dress. I guess I really need to get on the whole finding a boyfriend thing.)

Usually, the women all ask for basically the same thing: a white dress with a little sparkle and not too much poof that makes them look like skinny minnies. But tonight’s woman was different! She wanted something fun! She wanted to be different! I was immediately riveted to the screen.

First, the bridal consultants brought out a pale pink dress with embroidery. She tried it on and looked beautiful (below). Her mother pronounced it “similar to a bedspread.” Next, she tried on a normal white dress with a twist - a leopard silk sash tied around her waist. Her mother said, “This is a wedding, not a jungle party.” She was sad, and I felt bad for her.

My mother was nodding along with the mean lady.

“That lady is so mean,” I said. “Why won’t she let her daughter be happy? Let her wear whatever she wants to wear on her wedding day. I will! In fact, I just might wear that pink dress myself! Or maybe the leopard one!”

Then Elsilv stepped in and quickly killed my dreams. Put the kibosh on all of it.

“OH NO.” she said.

“What? What is the problem? Why can’t I wear a sparkle pink dress that looks like a bedspread to my wedding? Why can’t I wear a leopard sash around my waist?”

“NO. NO.”

I shushed her and tried to turn back to the show and the strange unconventional lady (who may have been a fairy princess, I’m not really sure). But Ellen was still not done.

“Here is the list of things you may not wear to your wedding,” she says, wearing her Serious Face. She was not kidding around.

NO PINK DRESSES. ONLY WHITE.

NO LEOPARD. ANYWHERE!

NO EMBROIDERED SPARKLE HEADPIECES (veils are apparently okay)

NO MERMAID DRESSES (UGH, Ariel is my favorite Disney princess).

The aftermath of the list: I pouted for 20 minutes and then we went and had dinner at Stonefire. She thinks I forgot all about this woman and her pink dress. But I have not... I am just biding my time. I have plenty of time to break her down before it’s my turn to debut on Say Yes to the Dress!

Jump for Joy

Remember way back in like, October, when I blogged about a regular Friday evening with the Silverman family, in which we stood around watching an actual fish murder, and how it was no big deal -- a typical night in the Silverman household?

Well, imagine my complete lack of surprise when I came home on a Tuesday afternoon to see this:

Daddy, jump-roping, bare-chested, in the living room. No big deal. But then, someone ELSE decided to get in on the fun. My mother, excited about a new activity, jumping SANS JUMP-ROPE:

So that turned into THIS. Ladies and gentlemen, my parents.

Let me ask you, does this sort of behavior happen in your homes?

The Marcher Returns!

So, the marcher has returned. Hi yall!

I can’t believe I was only gone for two weeks. I honestly feel like I was away for months and months. And for some reason I feel like a complete alien now that I’m home -- I missed Glee, which makes me feel like a complete failure of a human being because everyone keeps talking about it, and today I walked into a Pinkberry and they were selling passionfruit and mango flavors AND offering a cone version. WTF?

Anyways, I’m here to fill you in. The trip was good - exhausting and emotionally draining, but worth it as always. As usual, I fell in love with a fantastic group of kids who truly make me proud to know them. Even if some of them travel across the world with their pet rocks. True story.

So let’s start with the recap. We first flew to Poland. In case you have never had the privilege of discussing Poland with me, let me break it down for you: I HATE Poland. I find it a repulsive and miserable country. The food is terrible, no one smiles, and I feel like the entire place is a graveyard. So I was not too excited to return to Poland for the third year in a row. Especially because this year, it was FREEZING! Check out my snazzy ensemble.

Then, approximately two seconds after we arrived, the Polish president died in the plane crash. So sad and so tragic, and FORGET about any Polish people cracking a smile after that. The day after the tragedy, we took the kids to the equivalent of the Polish White House to see the memorials people had left. There were thousands of people in the streets mourning his death, leaving flowers and candles - so sad.

The March itself (from Auschwitz to Birkenau) was pretty great. I managed to insert myself onto national television (wish I had a link but I don’t. If you’re dying to see me awkwardly stand in the background of an interview, my mom has six hours of footage saved on her Tivo. You’re welcome.)

Also, I FINALLY scored the Brazilian flag scarf that I’ve been trying to trade for for THREE YEARS (every delegation brings things to trade with other countries -- those Brazilian scarves are IMPOSSIBLE to land. I literally almost cried tears of happiness).

The worst part of Poland might actually be the food. I am not kidding when I say that I took to stealing food this year. At one hotel, they served us imitation nutella, and I legit stole an entire jar of it - just stuck it in my pocket and ran. At another hostel, dinner was baked potatoes wrapped in tinfoil -- I took three and and stuffed them into my backpack for the next day.

This is an actual food item served to us one night. I have NO IDEA what it is but I took one bite and almost threw up so instead I had these:

For those of you who don’t speak Polish, that is a bag of chicken and blueberry flavored potato chips. Poland is fucking weird.

We left Poland on a Wednesday night -- eight hours later they closed the airport and canceled all flights due to the Icelandic volcano. May I be candid for a moment? If that volcano had stranded me in fucking Warsaw with 162 kids you would never have read this blog again because I would have jumped into ongoing traffic. But it didn’t, and we made it to Israel, THANK GOD.

Israel was amazing, as usual. I cannot explain what an amazing feeling it is to feel so comfortable in a foreign country, thousands of miles across the world. My love for Israel is unlike how I feel about anything else - when I’m there, I feel so content and at home.

Among other things, we shopped on Shenkin and Ben Yehuda, visited the Kotel, attended a Yom Hazikaron service, toured Yad Vashem and Har Herzl, and partied in Rabin Square on Yom Ha’atzmaut (look how cute we are!)

Before I forget, I want to give a special shoutout to two children who greatly entertained me for the past two weeks with a FULL ON rap and musical number referencing me entitled “Do You Know the Muffin Man?”

This is a link to them performing it, and yes, they are referring to me as Big Bunny. I have no idea why. Kids are weird.

So there you have it. Now I’m home for three weeks until I jaunt off again - BACK to Israel to lead my first Birthright trip! Yes, I’m crazy. Yes, I’m jetlagged. No, I don’t have dual citizenship. YET.

I'm Jetlagged So I'm Doing Good Deeds

I'm hoooooome! Did you miss me?

So I promise to return later tonight or tomorrow morning with a whole big post about what I've been up to the past two weeks (including tales of children who make out with each other in death camps and why I now steal food), but FIRST the Queen Mother is insisting I give yall some information RIGHT THIS SECOND:

She is in charge of our temple's silent auction and this year, it's all online. It ends tomorrow morning so I told her I'd give her a quick shoutout on here. She was very pleased with the idea of free publicity. I am just being a sucker because I'm jetlagged :)

The website is http://www.biddingforgood.com/ -- search for Adat Ari El and have at it. You can bid on all sorts of fun stuff like at-home spray tans and Dodger tickets and restaurant gift certificates. If you get something good, let me know!

Promise I'll be back soon. In the immortal words of Gossip Girl, you know you love me... XOXO.

A Guest Post From the Queen's Mother

I’m guessing that many of you may be missing the Queen’s posts while she’s away in Poland and Israel -- I know I am! So, with the Queen’s permission, I share with you Free Fryday.

The Queen’s dad has some interesting eating habits, which may have been noted previously in this space. What you may not know, however, is that free (or as he likes to call it, gratis) food trumps all healthy eating and today was a banner day for free food.All week, Gary has been waiting for Free Fryday. What is that, you may ask?

Apparently, Jack in the Box unveiled its new french fry recipe today, and all you had to do was show up today in any Jack location, and voila -- a small order of french fries was handed to you, no questions asked! This was too good to be true, so after the Dodger game tonight (where Gary dined on a California Pizza Kitchen barbeque chicken pizza, which he ate with a fork so as not “to eat the crust”), we were off to Jack’s.

One bag would not be sufficient, so his partner in crime, Ken Madick, was schlepped out of the car to get a second bag. Not to make it a total loss, Ken also managed to get himself an order of fried jalapeno peppers, something I’ve never seen ANYONE order, ever. Imagine, if you can, Gary eating his french fries, dipping in ranch dressing, while driving on the freeway at his normal speed of 45mph.

But we’re not done! More free food on the way! Thanks to the Dodgers beating the Giants 10-8, another food run will take place tomorrow! Anytime this season the Dodgers score more than 10 runs, Claim Jumper restaurant offers free wings to all those in attendance! Can you believe this luck? After collecting the Madick’s ticket stubs, Gary now has FOUR free orders of wings coming his way.

Of course we will have to find a Claim Jumper restaurant -- hopefully there is one within a 20 mile radius of our home, but I’m quite sure he will find it. It’s free food!

Pink in the Middle East

Shalom from Israel, my favorite place in the world :)

Once again, even though I’m writing this in advance, I basically know how I’ll be feeling at this stage of the game... happy, emotional, tired... and MY FEET WILL BE KILLING ME!

Big shock, all of that walking, marching, and hiking (UGH!!!) will have made my feet sore and me a little cranky. What better remedy could a girl ask for to have waiting for her upon her arrival back in America next week than these adorable Tory ballet flats?

Hint hint parentals :)

Oh, and SPEAKING of parentals, it may be Wednesday, but there’s something more important going on....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY!!!!!

Quick multiple choice question. My mom is:

1. the smartest woman in the universe
2. the funniest person on the planet
3. the most beautiful lady on earth
4. my best friend in the whole wide world
5. all of the above

For those of you who chose E (E for Ellen!), a big mazel tov to you. Pat yourselves on the back because you got it right!

I LOVE AND MISS YOU MOMMY! HAVE THE BESTEST DAY!!!!!

I'll be back in a week! Don't miss me too much!

Cozy, Comfy, PINK.

SURPRISE!

Bet you didn’t expect a O.W.W.W.P post, did you? Well, I decided that just because I’m in Poland this week (and Israel next week, and YES I planned another little surprise for you then, too!) shouldn’t mean that our fun little weekly pink parade needed to be put on hold for two weeks.

So here we are! Since I’m writing this WAY in advance, I can’t really fill you in on everything so far. However, I HAVE done the trip twice before, so suffice to say that I’m going to be doing a lot of marching, a lot of singing and dancing on a bus, a lot of playing with high schoolers, and a lot of NOT eating disgusting Polish food (you better believe I packed my own peanut butter and jelly). When I get back I’ll tell you all about my trip, but trust me, those things will have been involved.

Moving on. The most important thing for me on these trips is to be COMFORTABLE. Not gonna lie, there have been days when I’m trekking around Poland/Israel when style takes a backseat. Usually, I am a sweaty, exhausted mess -- and I am wearing sneakers. JESUS. Some examples below (I love how I’m voluntarily posting photos of myself looking like ass even though everyone I know reads this):

My cure? Bring on the Free City. They’re the most comfortable, coziest sweatpants, shirts, and sweatpants I’ve ever found. Half my closet is Free City, and I never travel anywhere without at least three items. So in honor of comfort AND style, here is the pink item of the week!

Fabulous. Cozy. Comfy. And PINK! What could be better?

Miss you all already! Check back for some more updates while I’m gone :)

MOTL 2010: Here I Go Again!

Well my lovers, it’s about that time. I’ve been in town for 4 days... time to jet off again!

Where to this time? Tomorrow I leave for the March of the Living, a two-week trip to Poland and Israel for high school seniors. This is my third time staffing the trip, and every year, even though I come home exhausted and emotionally drained, I know without a doubt that I’ll be back the next year.

I believe whole-heartedly in what this trip does - over the past few years, I have watched hundreds of kids come home forever changed by what they saw and learned about our people and our history. (Click here to read something I wrote shortly after coming back from the trip for the first time, in 2008.) This year we are taking our biggest group yet - 162 kids! I’m exhausted just talking about it :)

I will be gone until April 22nd - first to Poland for a week, and then to Israel. Poland will be emotional and rough, but I am literally counting the moments til Israel! I can't wait to visit some of my favorite places and see some of my favorite people (ie, my Birthright friends!)

I know you are going to miss me terribly :) so I have some good news!

Last year, I created a MOTL Twitter account so people back at home could follow us and read about what we were doing. It was a big success, so I was asked to do it again!

Our Twitter name: LAMOTL10. I think you can also do a search for BJE MOTL and we come up.

Here’s a direct link: http://twitter.com/LAMOTL10

I will be checking emails regularly and Facebook occasionally, so please feel free to send me some love! I will miss you all but can’t wait to fill you in when I’m back!

CFM: Taking It to the Next Level

I have funny friends. At least once or twice a day, I get a text or email or gchat that makes me laugh out loud. Today my friend Ashley, who is actually my Birthright soulmate, was telling me over gchat about a game she and her roommate Jessica play called “CFM” - Chuck, Fuck, or Marry?

If you have not heard of this game, I'm sorry, but you are obviously over the age of 30. Every single girl I know plays this game. Though my group of friends and I personally refer to the game as “Do, Dump, or Marry,” rather than CFM, it has kept us entertained through road trips, airplane flights, car rides, sorority chapter meetings, classes, and work.

Here’s how the game works: Your friend names three guys. You are then responsible for choosing which one of those three guys you would respectively chuck, fuck, or marry. You are then responsible for explaining why you chose what you chose and defending said choices. Boys can play it too, by naming girls, but honestly I don't know a single boy, let alone a group of boys, who plays this game :)

Apparently, Ash and Jessica take this game VERY SERIOUSLY. According to Ashley, she has “missed weeks of work” due to playing the game all day and ignoring her projects, phone calls, emails, etc.

Here’s the best part: at one point, there was some confusion over the rules of CFM, and urgent clarification was needed immediately. Jessica is a lawyer, so naturally she drew up a VERY authoritative and detailed list. I laughed out loud when I read it. The girl does not fuck around. Behold:

The World of CFM: These rules are non-negotiable: take it or leave it, and learn to love it.

C= person that absolutely repulses you and/or makes you want to vomit. or, compared to the other 2 people in that particular grouping, the person you would least like to be with, sleep with, spend time with, and think about doing sexual things with.

F = person that you would most likely bang. someone you could f, but not necessarily someone you could marry or see yourself spending the rest of your life with. person that would be a wham, bam, thank you maam and be done with. **CAVEAT: if you are lucky enough to have a 3 person hottie combo, then you should choose the person you would most want to f for this category

M = there seems to be some differences between what males and females perceive about what this particular person would stand for. But alas, lets not get carried away with any ideas of what we would want in real world ideal marriages. This is the CFM universe. What matters is this: someone that is good on paper, all-around greatness, the bring home to mom and dad type, can start a family with, engage in family-like activities (strolls in the park, family dinners, holidays, PTA meetings, you name it). Sexual activities or any thoughts about possible sexual compatibility are NOT, i repeat NOT, to be considered in this particular category.

**CAVEAT: this category also has the "_____PRESUMPTION" attached to it (Note from me: name blanked out to protect someone we know!). this means that the person you choose to marry is someone who meets all of the above factors and you know is a great person, yet also someone that you would not f. maybe its because they are not f-ing material, maybe you feel like that person is like a brother or sister to you, whatever the reason - this person by default would fall under the ______ Presumption because you wouldn't want to kill them most likely, yet you know that you could never f them either.

Hope this clarifies...and on w/ the CFM games.

I LOVE THE RULES. PLEASE tell me you are familiar with this game. If not, here are some fun ones for you straight from the hilarious yet demented minds of Ashley and Jessica...

Carrot Top (right now), Dustin Diamond (right now), or K-Fed (right now)?

Zack Morris, AC Slater, Kirk Cameron circa 1992?

Larry King, Regis Philbin, or Kirk Douglas?

Darwin, Pasteur, or Einstein?

Conan, Letterman, or Leno?

Carson Daly, JC Chasez, or Justin Timberlake (circa 2001)?

Britney, Lady Gaga, or Adam Lambert?

Regarding the last one...

Me to Ashley: “I couldn’t choose... is death an option?”

Her answer: "No. You MUST pick and death is not an option."

In that case, I would be devastated, but I would have to chuck Gaga, F Brit, and marry Adam... SEE HOW HARD THE GAME IS?!

Leave your answers in the comments! (Not you, Mom.)